Lily is a laidback slacker with a phobia for commitment...who happens to owe the devil her (nonexistent) firstborn. When the ruler of Hell comes knocking, what choice does she have but to let the devil play matchmaker? *** Lily has never been good at relationships, not that it matters to her. That is until Eve, a seductive woman claiming to be the devil's apprentice, shows up to collect a debt Lily doesn't remember owing: her firstborn child. Without a firstborn to give, and with the threat of eternal damnation at her heels, Lily finds herself on a chaotic matchmaking quest with the devil herself. Eve swears she's only playing matchmaker to collect the debt owed to her, but with each failed set-up, Lily suspects there may be something more to the devil's plan. [[word count: 60,000 - 70,000]] Cover designed by Joe Resch [[Wattys 2020 Winner]] Content warning: this story includes dark humour, mature themes, and scenes of violence and gore

Diagnosed with a terminal illness, Peter Katz hires a hitman to take him out. But when a cure is discovered, Peter's got to outrun the assassin to stay alive! ***** When douchebag lawyer Peter Katz gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, he wants to die painlessly. Still, death seems to elude his every attempt, so he hires an assassin to kill him at a random time and place within the month. Unfortunately for Peter, right after he orders the hit, a treatment is discovered that would add decades to his life. Now Peter Katz has to start running, until the month-long deadline ends. Desperate to survive, he has to deal with tall-dwarves, unionized suicide workers, art terrorism and all the insanity that being alive has to offer. Will he make it to the end of the month? Or will Peter Katz live a life's worth of craziness in however many days he has left? For what is Comedy, but Tragedy + Time? [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]

Owen found a VHS tape titled "DO NOT WATCH" while burying his dog, and decided to watch it. Well... you know what they say about curiosity and the cat. What's the worst that could happen? __________________ (Short story) IMPORTANT NOTICE - if you're reading this story on a site that is not www.wattpad.com then you could be at risk of a malware attack. Furthermore, please go to this link: www.wattpad.com/user/z0mbies, and report to me where you are reading this story. Thank you. WARNING: This story contains distressing material. Reader discretion advised. The characters in this book are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.