They're worlds apart, and this isn't high school, so how the hell did a homeless female writer end up renting a billionaire's mansion? And - hold your breath - becoming his fake girlfriend? ➳ full blurb inside ➳ first reached #1 in humor on july 6, 2015 ➳ first reached #1 in business on august 29, 2023 ➳ winner of best humor book in the fiction awards 2016 ➳ featured by cadbury (marvellous creations) and secret lives of the americans (pivot) P.S. This is a SATIRICAL BILDUNGSROMAN. Proceed with caution. (cover by @glueeater)

Born with glowing green eyes. Destined for rotten luck. Peasant girl Meya Hild was 'given' the opportunity to become a Lady. At swordpoint. By mercenaries. Engaged to a dying nobleman. Poisoned with one month to live. Tasked to loot a castle. In a kingdom running out of resources. Little did Meya know this shenanigan would lead her across land and over sea, from a mountain made of sapphire to an island shrouded in spiral clouds, with masquerades, heists, kidnappings, shipwrecks, alchemy, romance, and an unexpected 'bump' along the way. Let the misery begin. 🐉 🎯 PROGRESS: Book One (Chpt. 1 - 65): 100% Book Two (Chpt. 66 - 125): 100% Bingers, YOUR TIME HAS COMETH. Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iYf3f78K4QInWwpz6z3Mp?si=35Rt2vgkTryCM3vD9eKVXA&pi=cE-JGby3RgeKW 🎨 Cover: @NamtanTangren / Namtan [糖人] https://www.deviantart.com/tangrennamtan 📋 Content Guidelines: Most chapters are safe for work/school. Chapters containing intimate scenes will be marked with ❣️ Although not depicted explicitly, this story touches on mature subject matter such as depression and suicide, drug addiction and overdose, human trafficking, organ harvesting, abortion and rape. It's also loosely based on medieval times, and some scientific misbeliefs (concerning health and pregnancy, etc.) are present. Young readers are urged to use discretion. ⭐ DOs & DON'Ts ⭐ 💖DO: Add LUMINOUS to your library & follow me so you don't miss any updates! 💖DO: Comment away! I love answering them. Please be polite and respectful! 💖DO: If you enjoyed Meya's adventure, spread the word! 🚫DON'T: SKIP THE PROLOGUE! You have been warned by the dragons that be that you will regret it! Why don't I just rename it "Chapter 1"? BECAUSE PROLOGUE SOUNDS COOLER!