A book of the ridiculous things that come out of my husband's mouth. Enjoy.

(y/n) finds themselves tied to a chair. In walks a water bottle?!?

Title says it all, lovelies. Includes chapters on how to make a believable story, how not to make me laugh at your dialogue, and how slut-shaming will be answered with screams of injustice.

Sick of cliché Wattpad books? Then this isn't the book for you. We take every single over-used plot, character and trope on Wattpad - from player-meets-nerd to my-boyfriend-is-a-vampire - and mash it all into one, awful, hilarious parody. NOTE: This is a parody. Characters have not been created to mock a race/nationality/sexuality, they have been created to lightly poke fun at the way certain teen fiction writers reduce them into crude stereotypes. Thanks for helping this pile of junk get to #1 in Humor!

little wattpad rant books: book one if i had a dollar for every time someone called me ugly i'd be broke bc i'm perf lol bye

As far as lazy roommates go, Death is probably as bad as they come. Rosa Delgada only wants a nice, ordinary weekend. When some guy claiming to be the Reaper comes knocking on her door, any plans of normality are thrown straight out of the window. Now she's got to worry about Death sleeping on her sofa, the forces of evil hunting down her new roommate, and - worst of all - all the post-break-up comfort food she keeps eating. And to make matters worse, Death is almost certainly going to go down in the record books as being the universe's least helpful roommate. He may be a horseman of the apocalypse but he'll be damned if he doesn't do the dishes. But life's going to get a whole lot harder for Rosa. Death's sudden holiday is resulting in some grizzly repercussions, and now all of the Underworld is out to drag him back. There's only so far sarcasm and strawberry ice cream will get you.

"Being reunited with your childhood best friend after eight years apart? Sounds like a heart-warming story. Finding out that said best friend is now a complete jerk who's determined to make your life hell? Not so much." Georgie and Connor were once inseparable. Best friends from birth, they did everything together - well, that was until Connor's dad got a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity and the family was forced to relocate to New York. At age sixteen, Georgie's life is totally different - her main goal being to keep her head down and escape the brutalities of high school with as little emotional scarring as possible. Balancing school, work and her dwindling social life is enough of a challenge, but it's about to get a bit more complicated when her conceited ex-best friend gets thrown into the mix. Maybe friendship should come with an instruction booklet.

Being an Asian is hard. So many struggles D:

Marty Stu Bonkvist, a bed-hopping journalist who totally isn't an idealized version of the author, goes to investigate a forty-year old disappearance. Aided by his sociopathic hacker sidekick Elzbeth Salamander, he taps into a vein of sandwiches, Apple computers, and unbelievable plot twists. Anyone who loved "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" will appreciate this good-natured satire. Anyone who hated the original novel will appreciate this ruthless skewering.

Roses are black. Violets are black. Everything's black. I'm blind.