it's about you and john pork

This is a enemies to lovers story. (Also satire)

You go out on a walk with your significant other named Sam. Then all of a sudden everything turns to black and you wake up in a shed with John Pork towering over you. He leans close to your body and breathes in your ear. What will you choose to do? (this is all a joke btw don't hate me lmao)