After discovering two aliens trying to milk a cow in his Grandfather's barn, fourteen year old Luke Summers is abducted. Scared out of his wits, he soon discovers that the aliens, Simon and Leonidas, aren't planning to probe him... huge relief. Instead, after injecting Luke with nano-translators so he can understand them, they tell him that his parents, both astronauts who were pronounced dead during a failed mission to Mars, are still alive... and they need his help to rescue them from an evil spider-alien dictator named Drac Moor. There's just one itsy bitsy catch. Luke will first need to be "reconditioned" so that he can withstand the harsh alien atmospheres that he'll be subjected to. Oh... and it's probably going to hurt a little. Follow along as Luke stumbles through one disaster after another, in an attempt to pull off a daring prison break and free his parents before it's too late.

#86 in Short Story (7/11/15) Remember your "first time?" Well, I wish I could forget mine. As a Freshman in college, I met Carrie and we fell in love. We thought we were the perfect couple. We thought we would always be together. But after we decided to consummate our relationship, it all came crashing down. Bitterness and recriminations followed. Now, it is my college reunion and I find myself face-to-face with Carrie for the first time in twenty-five years. And I realize that I might have a chance to heal the wounds of the past... or possibly make them a whole lot worse. Switching back and forth between past and present, and told in first person, this is a work of fiction that is, as they say, "inspired by true events." New cover courtesy of Elicia Hyder, who just couldn't stand to look at the horrendous old cover any longer. *******PLEASE NOTE: THIS STORY CONTAINS SEX, PROFANITY AND ADULT SITUATIONS*******

READ my SHORTS! ('cos eating them isn't very tasty) - A collection of very short stories, micro-fiction, one-shots, drabbles, flash-fiction and other random stuff. Call 'em what you will, they're bite size little morsels from the brain of me. Crossing all genres, and of lengths up to about 1000 words.

An Amazon Breakthrough Novel Quarterfinalist, Death by Haggis is a tongue in cheek detective novel inspired by the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for the "opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels." Until the day Jane Hamchester walked into his squalid office, the highlight of Detective Sam Barlow's life had been a particularly good tuna sandwich. Now he is charged with trying to save the life of the only woman he ever, uhm, thought was really swell. His only problem is that there are no clues, other than the nonsensical utterances of a dying man. Barlow's desperate search takes him first to Scotland and then to the Aegean. But time is running out. Not only for Jane but for the human race. Barlow's only possible hope lies at the bottom of an ancient cavern, a remnant from the time when a different kind of human populated the Earth, a kind of human that could have saved mankind. Alas, they are long extinct. Or are they? ****************************************** Death By Haggis: What people are saying ... "What are you staring at?" Chelsea Pennybaker "Jay Cutts does for fiction what Dave Barry does for gourmet cooking." St. Louis Blues Dispatch "What more compelling metaphor for life itself could there be than a mysterious white leviathan and the mindless drive of a nearly ruined sea captain to track it down and destroy it? Oh, wait. You mean this book?" Denver Postit "This is one of those books that you know immediately could be an instant classic if millions of people all bought it and liked it and it got a lot of publicity and then they made a movie out of it." George W. Bush "The humor of Edgar Alan Poe, the refined taste of William S. Bourroughs, the punctuation of e.e. cummings. This work contains it all, but I forget on which page." The Milwaukee Braves "If Jay Cutts is not yet [in] an institution, he should be, and soon." Better Homes and Gargoyles "Cut it out, will ya." Chelsea Pennybaker

By accident rather than design, Trueth - one of the last European witches - finds herself in an ancient Egyptian civilisation. It isn't quite what she has expected - for one thing this place is as full of magic as it is lacking in decent showers. Instead, there is evil lurking just below the surface of the Nile. Together with the friends and family she found in 'Cursed Times - What Now?', Trueth will need to embark on yet another world-saving adventure. One that hopefully does not end in a romantic shipping-wreck. From pyramids, tombs and temples - as well as a palace governed by a randy fourteen-year-old Pharaoh - her journey will ultimately take her to the mists of the North and towards her people. With or without a man at her side. 'Only Yesterday' can be read as standalone adventure novel, or as part of the 'Cursed Times' Series. Warning: In 'Cursed Times - What Now?' all you needed was popcorn. Now you need something stronger - much stronger! === Copyright information, given the recent acts of content piracy: All copyrights of the texts are mine exclusively. Any attempt at spreading any of the content of my works in any form will be prosecuted. If you are reading this in any form outside Wattpad - be it in print, as an e-book or as an excerpt of text, the content has been stolen and you are in breach of international copyright laws. This amazing cover was done by @csteptoe!

A comic apocalyptic sci-fi romp. The zombie apocalypse has come and gone, the world has ended, humanity has crumbled... Nobody told the aliens. Alien brains have some interesting side effects on the ravenous undead. Just ask zombie Li, who wakes up after a quick bite. The world is a wasteland, she's a walking corpse, and her 'snack' melted into a noxious puddle of goo. It's not her day. Determined to figure out what the hell happened to her world, Li hits the road, seeking others like herself. The end of the world brings strange company, and stranger enemies. Struggling to wrap her head around being a zombie and already Li's existence is in danger thanks to impending alien invasion. It's going to take more than a handful of quirky zombies to stop them. She's going to need some serious fire power, like the remnants of the human race. If she can find them. #7 in Science Fiction on 12/3/15 ***Second Place for Science Fiction in Best Fiction Competition*** ***Contains a sprinkling of strong language and zombie violence. No aliens or zombies were harmed in the making of this novel. Recommended for ages 15 and up.***

Seven minutes can change your life. That's how long it took for Georgie's parents to go from alive to dead, but falling in love happens in the blink of an eye. Georgie has moved to a new town in a new state to live with her Aunt. Her home is gone. Her family is gone. Her old life and identity are gone. Georgie feels like she is floating away. Sam Parker needs to get out of town. He won't be trapped in a small life in the suburbs like his dad. Sam's mom ran away years ago to bigger and better things and never looked back. Sam is on a path to do the same. When he screws his scholarship chances in front of college scouts in the last seven minutes of the big game, Sam becomes even more desperate for any way to break free. When Sam and Georgie bump into each other during a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven their lives will change again. And, not in any way that they expected or wanted. - A teen fiction romance / drama set in highschool in the U.S.A.

In the fall of 2007, a quirky, sensitive girl named Hannah had a crush on an insensitive jerk. And I was her father. In the summer of 1984, a quirky, sensitive girl named Emily had a crush on an insensitive jerk. And I was that jerk. Loosely based on a true story (well, several, actually) "The Idiot Who Ran Into A Tree" is a comedic, bittersweet tale of parenting, teen angst, summer camp and a quarrelsome oak. All the names have been changed. The nicknames, however, have stayed the same.

Oscar Tweed paid good money to have his fancy London butler shipped all the way to Boston just to make the perfect cup of tea. The butler, Cyril Crutchley, doesn't even last a day! In a freak accident, he falls to his death and becomes a ghost. The twisted Oscar Tweed uses dark magic to bind the butler forever to the earth, never allowing him to ascend to the heavens. Try as he might, the Butler Crutchley cannot refuse his master and gives in to the beauty and mystery of Tweed Manor. Crutchley soon discovers all is not what it seems. The manor holds deep secrets and the butler realizes that his cursed master may be worth saving. Cyril must decide if risking his pure soul for the likes of Oscar Tweed is worth the coveted title of "butler extraordinaire."

This is the story of a caveman but it is also the story of an executive. They occur a million years apart but they are the same story. Only the circumstances of their environment is different. These two have a similar beginning in life but they waste the opportunities they were born with. Can they get by in this world without their comfortable life and family? Can they achieve their goal in life? Who said man has evolved? Basic instincts are the same, find the best mate you can to produce children to pass on your genes. What lengths would you go to, to pass on your genes? A million years ago it was all about who was the biggest and strongest. Today it is has evolved. Have you noticed that we have stopped getting bigger and stronger. Now days it is the smart that are more attractive as money replaces brute strength as the power that women desire. Sure some will women will argue a good body is more important but when push comes to shove they will opt for the one who can take care of their babies the best. In this day and age that is the rich one. Of course this grand plan all falls into ruin when love raises its ugly (or pretty) head. Common sense and even basic instincts are cast aside.