On a dreary, miserable eve Vernon Dursley finds himself swept away and enraptured by the most unlikely of woes. (and hoes). Join him on his life changing journey as he finds himself, a wife, a pig-child and possibly more than he bargained for in this harrowing tale. Updated summary. I hadn't realised how much of a mess the original was. Love from the ever devoted absent writer.

𝑳𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕, 𝑨𝒍𝒃𝒖𝒔 𝑫𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒅𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒎𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒆𝒊𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒃𝒆𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒔. "𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆," 𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒚. "𝑾𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘" 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒏. "𝒀𝒐𝒖-𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌?" 𝑯𝒆 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒅, 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒅. "𝑾𝒆𝒍𝒍, 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅'𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌, 𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒏?" 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒅. "𝑰'𝒎 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚.. 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐.." 𝑯𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅. "𝑾𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘!" 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌. "𝑰𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖!" 𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒍𝒚. "𝑵𝒐𝒐𝒐𝒐 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕!" 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆𝒔, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒖𝒔𝒆, 𝑫𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒅𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒚 𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎. "𝑼𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆," 𝑯𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅, 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒐𝒇𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎.

𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒚. 𝑰𝒏 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕, 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒏'𝒕. 𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒘𝒌𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅, 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒋𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒚, 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒆. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒆𝒕, 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒕 𝒖𝒑𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇. 𝑻𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒗𝒊𝒗𝒆. 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓲𝓬𝓴𝔂 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓽𝓻𝓲𝓬𝓴𝔂 (𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓭𝓪𝓶𝓷 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓲𝓽 𝓰𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓪 𝓺𝓾𝓲𝓬𝓴𝔂). (jk, it's family friendly.. mostly). Yes, you did read that correctly, Harry, (yes, Potter) X The Floor DISCLAIMER: This is an original "story", if you can even call it that, written by me 😂 Enjoy. I wrote this many moons ago, my apologies for the dastardly absurd offense I have written 😂. New description because the old one was truly horrid. (Henry).

A dementor named Billy Joe is (for some odd reason) on his way to win Dolores Umbridge's foul and nonexistent heart. Stay tuned for their first kiss. MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!! (I already added a Demumbridge kiss scene at the end, so don't murder me. It's not a very nice experience.) Completed, 11/4/2020