Ashton is okay right now. He's always like this after a bad bout. He starts off saying that the world is his oyster and he loves everyone, but when the energy and fresh success fades, so does he. Luke knows. He knows about all of Ashton's problems. He knows about the time Ashton was bullied nearly to the brink, the family deaths and friend losses, and the ups and downs, the latter of which seem to be more common lately. It's been so easy lately for Ashton to slip after a joke gone wrong, or a jab on Twitter. Ashton always says he's sorry, repeating it again and again if only to convince himself. Luke knows he's sorry, knows that he can't help it. And he'll sit by the bathtub for hours, holding Ashton, to make sure that he knows someone loves him. None of the other boys know. Ashton couldn't bring himself to tell them and face their disapproving stares too, and he wouldn't let Luke tell them, so he's stuck in this half state of secrecy and confession to Luke. Ashton hasn't gone too far yet, not far enough that Luke can't patch him up with gauze, antibiotics, and a long hug. But someday, someday, Luke knows Ashton won't be able to take it anymore, and Ashton will die. And Luke will be all alone.

"Fat fat fat," Luke clawed at his body. "All I am, is fat." - Luke Hemmings is ugly. Luke Hemmings is fat. Luke Hemmings likes to puke. Luke Hemmings despised eating. Luke Hemmings is every negative comment made about him. Luke Hemmings is gay. Luke Hemmings is pretending. Luke Hemmings is damaged goods. Ashton Irwin is hot. Ashton Irwin is skinny. Ashton Irwin loves to eat. Ashton Irwin is smart. Ashton Irwin is amazing. Ashton Irwin is everything Luke needs. Ashton Irwin is gay. Ashton Irwin is pretending. Ashton Irwin is noticing. Ashton Irwin is falling in love.

❝i'm just terrified. i'm dead and you're alive and i really want this to work between us, but i know we'll never have a normal relationship, we just can't.❞

in which the active costumer and the boy behind the counter send notes to each other in hope of help. © kodaline

Luke's past has been a tragic blur, and despite an army of social workers who say everyone deserves a chance, Luke isn't sure he ever deserved one. And maybe he says Ashton's annoying, but then again, maybe Ashton treats him a little more human than he expected.