Meet the Commission's worst spy. Decades after the murder of her parents and adoption by the Handler, teenage shapeshifter Zara is assigned her first mission: eliminating Five Hargreeves. There's only one problem. She might just fall in love with him first. Hopelessly incompetent, Zara finds herself thrust into a world of disastrous comedy, gut-wrenching betrayal, spiralling infatuation, and terrible, terrible secrets. ── 𝙫𝙤𝙡𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙪𝙭 © 2020

"I understand. You heard the place you loved was in trouble, so you came back, but I don't-I just-why didn't you take me?" Here it was, at last. Catharsis, or something close to it. "I would have hunted them down with you, Philza, the people who did that to your town. I would have given you your vengeance on a silver platter. I would have given you the world." Philza didn't look guilty. He just looked tired. "I didn't hunt them down, though." // Or, that fic where Techno and Phil are old immortals, and Tommy and Wilbur are decidedly... not. Angst ensues. //