A few months ago, I bought a mug with gold gilt. On sale. Not a gift either nor because of an occasion to remember by it. Just plain, pretty mug for 15PLN. I drank my coffee from it since. I spat loose tea leaves into it. It never felt particularly significant. An ordinary object. Only when I lost it, I realised its true value. I sat comfortably at my desk one evening. Looking at my phone, I reached to take my song-text notebook. Trivial situation. My clumsy fingers were unable to avoid the mug. They allowed it to topple over, to slip from the desktop. Even though I did not see the split-second occurrence, I felt the pressure of unease. My head painted the trajectory of the fall on its own, the shattering, spillage. The loss. For a millisecond I still had hope, that I would be able to catch the mug, that I would be able to avoid what was about to happen. But I knew I was headed for failure. I don't have any superpowers. I only scalded my fingers. I looked at the mug's new shape for a long while, at the shattered pieces. At the spilling liquid. Our adventure came to an end. Irrevocably. I won't be drinking coffee from it anymore, nor spit tea leaves into it. Well. I shouldn't be sad, it was just a regular mug, just like thousands of others. I grew to like it, it kept me company throughout hundreds of warm drinks. I lost it. I hate this feeling the most. In the moment when I am losing something, I stop in my tracks, I hold my breath. It is always a very intense moment. A short one, but one that gives me the tight unpleasant feeling in my stomach. The feeling of loss is always accompanied by hope. Silly and naïve. Making me believe so strongly, that I can make it. That I will still be able to catch the mug mid-flight. When the feeling is entering the body, crawling into me I realise, how important it was to me. Whether it's Nivan or a stupid mug with gold gilt.

„Bráško?" „Ano, princezno?" „Proč ti říkají buzna? Co to je?" „Víš, to je zlé označení pro jiné lidi jako jsem já." „A je špatně, že jsi jiný?" „Není, ale to oni nechápou. Nemají mě rádi." „Já tě mám moc ráda a budu taky jiná. Budeme oba dva jiní." „Jsi moje zlatíčko, co?" „Bráško? Co to bylo za ránu?" „To byl strýček." „Aha." „Takže se utíkej zamknout do pokoje a nikomu neotvírej, ano?" „Ano, přijdeš pak?" „Jasně, že ano a teď utíkej." Takhle si tě pamatuju, bráško. Jako usměvavého a vždy veselého, ale byla jsem příliš malá na to, abych pochopila, co se děje pokaždé, když zamknu dveře. Je mi to moc líto, bráško. Tak moc... - Upozorňuji, že se jedná o příběh s krátkými kapitolkami založených na dialogu, ve kterých se vyskytuje násilí, sebepoškozování, vulgární výrazy a homosexualita. Děkuji za pochopení.

What haunts Sam Hughes? ("The Multitudes Within Me" is the sequel to "The Sound of Ice.")

The long neck was like a magnet. When bare and exposed it was commanding and shouting. I was not allowed to move further without giving it enough attention and touch. I had to touch it delicately with my lips, to leave a moist trail. I had to repeat the actions until the whole surface was covered in goosebumps. Only then I could move down the twisting image.

Hockey player extraordinaire Cameron Beckett not only has to deal with the pressures of making it into the NHL and graduating high school, but also figuring out his feelings for the boy next door. ***** Cameron Beckett is the ace and co-captain of his hockey team, but he's failing his math class so badly that his coach threatens to bench him if he doesn't improve his grades. He turns to Sam, his neighbor, only to start developing feelings for him that he's not ready to confront. Cameron pulls away, afraid that his sexuality will cost him any chance of being drafted into the NHL. But when Sam needs him the most, Cameron can't be there for him, making him question whether his fear of coming out is actually holding him back.