74 of what seems like the longest days of my life made me write more than my fingers could possibly ever write. There couldn't ever be even the slightest of possibilities that you felt even a fraction of what I felt within those days that I was separated from you.

Finally talking about the things I have hid and vaulted because it was too painful for me to deal with..so i resorted to a distraction.. Well it's time I dealt with it healthily . It'll hurt but it's a step.

moving through life one lesson at a time.. learning to live instead of just surviving.. letting myself realize I'm not going to have to deal with the traumatic events I've been through and that it's okay to smile and be happy instead of looking over my shoulder constantly and worrying about everyone around me. be the person that makes you proud. be who you know you are, not who they want you to be... your. experiences. don't. define. you. stop letting those demons haunt you because he wont allow them to hurt you..

~

"to find a little color, why don't you try.. I suppose.. diving into the wild side? testing your limits and strengths, weighing every option, and moving on from there?" That was a start, she thought to herself. she started thinking about how to make each day successful start to finish, time management skills, bullshit levels ( and how much she should vs shouldn't put up with.. ) social and communication skills.. Breaking and conforming elements of the mind chambers that she never herself knew were possible. As she fought harder, her vision got clearer, her senses sharper, her mind brighter, her eyes wide open and a heart so shattered even the mirror on the wall glistens in hopes she can find her light inside of her that shone so brilliantly that even she missed it. But there are so many obstacles in the way and she can only wonder what lurks in the shadows that she possibly never could learn to fight or over come.. With little to no true friends with pure intentions and a light to guide her slowly darkening soul.. Will her soulmate push aside outside input and stick by her side, lighting her path to help her become her own trailblazer? Or will her demise be at the hands of those whose mouths they should have kept shut? Will she have the future career she's always dreamt of since a young ripe age, or will she face rivers and creatures she didn't deserve?

"You always smile like you're about to cry.." he whispered as he rested his hand against my warm cheek, a tear cascading as I bite my lip. How would I explain emotions that I couldn't even understand myself to someone else, let alone someone who knows all of me?

Original songs posted and written by me.

Just a peek into what goes through my mind. Update xx old journal

Fools Gold and Little Things; both songs by One Direction. This just journalizes memories that I thought were precious and things I'll never get back.