Diagnosed with a terminal illness, Peter Katz hires a hitman to take him out. But when a cure is discovered, Peter's got to outrun the assassin to stay alive! ***** When douchebag lawyer Peter Katz gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, he wants to die painlessly. Still, death seems to elude his every attempt, so he hires an assassin to kill him at a random time and place within the month. Unfortunately for Peter, right after he orders the hit, a treatment is discovered that would add decades to his life. Now Peter Katz has to start running, until the month-long deadline ends. Desperate to survive, he has to deal with tall-dwarves, unionized suicide workers, art terrorism and all the insanity that being alive has to offer. Will he make it to the end of the month? Or will Peter Katz live a life's worth of craziness in however many days he has left? For what is Comedy, but Tragedy + Time? [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]

Highest Ranking: #1 in Humor [FEATURED, SEPT-OCT] An idealistic poet refuses to budge from the last parcel of land a developer needs to acquire in order to build a shopping mall. (Literary satire with pop culture references and environmental themes.) synopsis: The Myth of Wile E. is a riff on the modern obsession with fame and acclaim, as well as a mediation on the artist's place in the modern world, as seen through the eyes of a naive poet who is made simultaneously pathetic and heroic by the pursuit of a singular goal. In this novel, we meet an assortment of eccentric monomaniacs, from mushroom hunters in search of a legendary truffle, to birders pursuing a possibly-extinct bird, to competitive Duck Stamp artists, to "the World's Foremost Living Statue"...and even a very stubborn spider. Meanwhile, our narrator--a terrible, yet persistent, poet--battles a ruthless land developer who's determined to acquire the poet's humble property, in an escalating battle of wills that spirals out of control when the media gets involved. With these quirky events as a backdrop, we gradually learn of the misfortunes that befell each member of the poet's family in their various misguided quests for glory. We also learn why money makes the world go flat, why talent is a white elephant, and what it means for parents to love their children "to pieces." Some of my influences are Richard Brautigan (especially), Christopher Moore, Kurt Vonnegut, Tom Robbins, and George Saunders, so if you like any of them, I hope you'll enjoy this, too.

Man created superheroes, and now they hunt them. A terror attack on London kills Britain's top geneticist and destroys life as nineteen year old Eva Saunders knows it. Soon she is at the center of a political conspiracy, and dragged into a dangerous game of the strong vs. the weak and man vs. god . . . The explosion sixty years ago separated the population into three categories: Humans - a score of 0% on the genetics scale. They have no superpower. Voids - a score of 50%. They have the potential. Or the worst: Pariahs - a score of 100%. They have the power. Eva has tested as Void all her life, missing the complete Pariah gene that would grant her superpowers at a moment's notice. But people with the gene are exiled, sent to the Badlands -- known as Zone-B -- in newly imprisoned Wales as punishment for their abilities. And they're fighting back. The only one to survive a Pariah attack on the British Headquarters for Genetics Screening she's recruited by the Prime Minister to work for the Humans. Tasked in aiding the secretive Detective Thomas Kingsley of the Metropolitan police in his race to catch the killers, the stakes rise and more than just a politician is on the line. Except Eva has her own problems, secrets hidden in her DNA, and it will push her to the very edge of the law. The fight for power has hit London. And it's spreading . . . THE PARIAH SERIES: BOOK ONE. Copyright © EmilyCharlotteCooledge 2015-2017 [Action / Science Fiction / Paranormal / Thriller.] Cover created by the talented @Carkann ! WINNER of the Wattys 2016 New Voices award! x

When seventeen-year-old necromancer Sapphire Sweetman befriends the spirit of Mona Delaney, she thinks all of her problems have been solved. Mona proves to be very useful when it comes to propelling her up the social ladder at school and dishing out haunting - and sometimes frighteningly cruel - punishments to those that Saffy deems deserving, but soon she begins to realize that Mona isn't quite who she says she is. People across the county are vanishing without a trace, and when Mona demands a sinister favour in return for her loyalty, Saffy's world is upended completely. The options are clear: comply, or become subject to the rage of a spirit who is far more powerful than she first seemed. Highest chart positions: #12 in Paranormal

This is Margaret Atwood at the absolute peak of her powers. For readers of "Oryx and Crake," nothing will ever look the same again. The narrator of Atwood's riveting novel calls himself Snowman. When the story opens, he is sleeping in a tree, wearing an old bedsheet, mourning the loss of his beloved Oryx and his best friend Crake, and slowly starving to death. He searches for supplies in a wasteland where insects proliferate and pigoons and wolvogs ravage the pleeblands, where ordinary people once lived, and the Compounds that sheltered the extraordinary. As he tries to piece together what has taken place, the narrative shifts to decades earlier. How did everything fall apart so quickly? Why is he left with nothing but his haunting memories? Alone except for the green-eyed Children of Crake, who think of him as a kind of monster, he explores the answers to these questions in the double journey he takes - into his own past, and back to Crake's high-tech bubble-dome, where the Paradice Project unfolded and the world came to grief. With breathtaking command of her shocking material, and with her customary sharp wit and dark humour, Atwood projects us into an outlandish yet wholly believable realm populated by characters who will continue to inhabit our dreams long after the last chapter.

This collection of modern fairy tales breathes mythology into real sites, professions, and heroes, across the United States. Can a frog really be an imprisoned Architect? Can a future President learn diplomatic skills by out-smarting playground bullies? Can a beautiful, well-mannered, ghost be a threat to society? Read On!

Dark things swarm around the city. Newspaper-boys are lured into houses, strange mansions whisper into musicians' ears, old men tell tales of vampires, drums boom in the Savannah, children worship false gods and priests begin to question the very foundations of the universe. And all this has something to do with a girl who has no name and a cat whose name nobody knows. A dark, surreal adventure, this book is my flawed tribute to weird-fiction and the writers who made me. A WATTPAD FEATURED STORY 2nD PLACE WINNER FOR THE HAND PICKED AWARDS 2017 - PARANORMAL CATEGORY RUNNER UP FOR THE ANTI-WATTYS 2015 Cover designed by @sublime- Trailer by @Welc0meT0MyW0rld

"The most frightening story I have ever read", "Terrifying", "I never want to sleep alone again", "The first time I have read a story which has made my heart race", "Brilliantly written", "Honestly the most gripping story I've read in a long time, from the very first line to the very last. I think everyone that read this can say this is in their list of worst fears.", "This was utterly brilliant. Terrifying and compelling all the way through.", "You made me want to burn my bed and run". - Reddit Users An account of the most horrifying experience I have ever had. I was a child at the time, but only now do I feel safe enough to even speak of what occurred, during the night, at bedtime. In the darkness something lurked. God help me if it was all real.

Stereotypes. I hate them. On my first day at my new school, a girl in a blue and white cheerleader's uniform told me I 'looked like a cheerleader' and asked me to come to tryouts. I almost decked her. Blonde hair and blue eyes do not a cheerleader make. Cheerleaders can be bitchy and mean but they can also act all happy and excited and they can drool and swoon over Finn Wallace – the hands-down hottest guy in school – like there's no tomorrow. Me? Well, I'm just bitchy and mean. So someone please tell me why Finn Wallace is suddenly chasing after me? *This is NOT a Bridgit Mendler fan fiction* Copyright © 2013 CrayonChomper

“i give a fuck. i give a lot of fucks, actually. i'm a prostitute of feelings.”