"You're an asshole," I blurted. "You're such an asshole that your actual asshole is jealous." Silence. What the hell did I just say? Out of all the insults, I choose one that makes the least sense? Damn it, why couldn't I just have been born normal... Wait, never mind. Psh, screw sanity. "Can we keep her?" Tyler suddenly says, bouncing on his tippy toes. "Please, Keith? Can we keep her? Huh, huh, huh?" What am I, a pet? "Keith" whipped his head towards Tyler so fast I could've sworn I heard a crack. "Keep her?" he echoed. "No, Tyler, we can not keep her." Thank you. "She's utterly useless to us, and you want to keep her?" I gasped, placing a hand over my chest. Useless? Damn, these people are rude as hell. "But," Tyler whined, walking over to me. I tensed all over when he squished my cheeks together. "Look at how adorable she is. She's just so innocent... you'd never suspect anything bad from her." Keith expression changed, to one I knew very well from my experiences with Val. Lightbulb. "Tyler, you are a genius," Keith says. Tyler's hands stop squishing my cheeks. "I am?" "He is?!" everyone else says. Keith doesn't reply, just keeps on grinning wickedly. And suddenly I have a feeling that I am not gonna make it out of here alive. - WARNING: VERY CRINGE WORTHY MATERIAL NOW AVAILABLE TO PURCHASE http://www.lulu.com/shop/angel-zenith/the-gangleader-kidnapped-me/paperback/product-23087208.html Highest Rank: #1 in Humor April 19, 2015 CoAuthor: DreamCreature

Hey! Have you ever wanted to be the most annoying person on earth? Well sorry but that position is currently occupied by me. That's ok though, because here is your guide to be the equal most annoying person ever! It's got all you need to know to be totally annoying to everyone. Obviously as a joke of course. Trust me, press "Start Reading" and within a few days you'll come to love it. - AA

Sarcastic comebacks

Update: This story has been discontinued. - I am terribly sorry. Your mother lied to you. She told you that you were unique, and that as a teenager you have a whole bunch of options you can choose from to determine who you want to be. She must have been high. Look, I'm going to tell you this honestly. Somewhere out there in this floating sphere of green and blue, there's a person who acts just like you. It's the combinations of different personalities - which eventually lead up to an actual human being - that makes us all unique. But it can't hurt to find out where your personality stems from, right? Wanna know who you are? I'll help you out. There are 36 students in my classroom. Which one are you?

Collection of 'Funny Text Bloopers'.

This is the best dictionary ever. Enjoy.