Are you ready for the Squirrelpocalpse? Do you know the dangers of suburban gardening? It's one neighborhood against nature's furry Robin Hoods in this tale of rodenticide and remorse. Excerpt from Chapter 1 - Tulips and Destruction: She told me again how beautiful my roses were and then looked me over in a strange way, as if she were sizing up my character or trustworthiness, or something. Then, apparently satisfied, she leaned in and asked a question in a conspiratorial tone. "So, what kind of rodent... activity do we have around the neighborhood?" The question took me back a bit. I was under the impression that she was going to proposition me, or ask me where she could buy pot, or something like that. "Rodents? You mean, like..." She stepped a bit closer. She smelled flowery with a hint of, what was it? Spearmint. Her eyes were big when she looked up into mine. "Rodents." She said slowly, "you know, gophers, rats, mice-" Her eyes involuntarily moved away from me, scanned my yard, and narrowed. "Squirrels." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ thanks for taking a look. i appreciate all feedback, stars, and follows. if you like this, check out my other (complete) stories: safari-land, dungeon memos, and a very short story about love.

When Adrian the Brave, an arrogant con-artist posing as a knight, eats a mushroom he finds deep in the forest by his village, his life takes a turn for the worst. Immediately after he eats it, he becomes addicted. In his search for more mushrooms, he finds a trapped rabbit. The rabbit, whom he nicknames "Lackwit," offers to lead Adrian to an enchanted part of the forest where the magical mushrooms thrive, in exchange for freedom. Adrian soon discovers, however, that this forest is home to more than just mushrooms, and not all of the inhabitants are what they appear to be.... Cover illustration by Anthony Moravian. http://antmora.deviantart.com

Marty Stu Bonkvist, a bed-hopping journalist who totally isn't an idealized version of the author, goes to investigate a forty-year old disappearance. Aided by his sociopathic hacker sidekick Elzbeth Salamander, he taps into a vein of sandwiches, Apple computers, and unbelievable plot twists. Anyone who loved "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" will appreciate this good-natured satire. Anyone who hated the original novel will appreciate this ruthless skewering.