The Heart Rate of a Mouse was one of many beautifully written fanfictions (in Ryan's pov, too) by Anna Green, beggarsnotes on LJ in around 2008-10. They are so hard to find, excluding THROAM, which can also be found on ao3. I have a lot of them saved and I know people want to read them.. so here. ALL RIGHTS TO ANNA GREEN, BEGGARSNOTES.

Kellin Quinn had a traumatic upbringing and since has had a hard time staying out of his head. He is sickened by what he loves, and despite trying so hard to heal, he constantly falls back into old habits. Filled with anxiety about going away to college and the pressures of the past, Kellin is about to break, until he meets his roommate, Vic Fuentes, who is completely and permanently blind. After a life of self sabotage, Kellin must find his way to self acceptance and accept that things aren't always black and white. ⚠ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠ Contains: - Homophobia - Mentions of violence / trauma - Smut