Dear Mom, For years I have vomited my feelings to you thinking that's how I felt. Realizing that was anger, resentment, hurt and sadness I never realized that I wasn't feeling those feelings and emotions I was vomiting over reacting to all this hostility hurt and pain.I so badly wanted to have a secure relationship with you,knowing all the things that happened all the betrayal that I overlooked to have some sort of relationship with you mom. When looking at you in that hospital bed it all hit me. I suppressed so much for so many years felt afraid didn't know how I can face life without a mom at such a young age I realized that I've been my own mom for a lot of years. I would go to meetings act like a big shot talking about how when my mother dies I will be free of all that anger hurt and pain and boy was I wrong. I use too joke about it thought it was funny until the day that I met you at West Hills Hospital February 2 reality hit me I had to do the right thing.