this is it this is what people have been asking for especially my best friend I am writing this to heal also just to understand myself a little bit better why I do some of the things I do I don't expect this to get any reads I don't expect sympathy hell I'm putting a maturity rating on this. I never do that with any of my stories and I'll probably be updating it year by year unless something crazy happens except for the first few that are going to go year by year anyways until my current age.