The first time Sebastian tried to kill himself he was 15. Since then all he can think about is bringing his pain to an end, but at what cost. Will he succeed and bring a world of pain down on those who care? Or can they save him before it's too late? *********** This story contains mentions and acts of self harm, suicide, sexual themes, rape, underage, and many other triggering and mature themes. Read at your own risk. Stay safe! :) *********** I still need to go through and correct spelling and grammar errors so it's not 100% finished. *********** Please consider giving this story a vote if you like it! Don't be afraid to leave comments, I really love feedback. The interaction I get from viewers really helps me edit and become better at my writing. It also inspires me to continue, so...if you want more give me motivation. :) Thank you!

zhang hao came to college with a violin case and a deathly fear of eye contact. love? dating?? speaking to strangers??? he could never. (he could barely speak to his own parents.) but the universe-or maybe just kuan rui, his loudest, glitteriest best friend and dormmate-has other plans. enter hanbin: psychology major, cafe prince, and full-time mom friend who radiates gentle warmth like a human space heater. with anxiety attacks, tear-streaked presentations, late-night blanket rescues, and strawberry shortcakes baked in matching aprons, zhang hao slowly, so slowly, starts to believe he's allowed to take up space-and maybe even love someone. (and maybe be loved back.) a tender, chaotic, pink-blanket-wrapped story of healing, queer joy, found family, and two boys falling for each other one breath, one panic attack, one sleepy red panda plush at a time.