Humor Pills
7 stories
Spandex Is Mandatory by LightenTheShadows
LightenTheShadows
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"Great power comes with great..." I raised my eyebrows at Guardian, looking his skin-tight suit up and down. "Urges to wear spandex, apparently." "Are you using altered famous superhero comic book references to insult me?" he asked incredulously. I snorted. "You bet your fucking ass, I am." *** Crown City has all the typical big-city flare. There's a McDonald's on every corner, enough carbon emissions to end life as we know it, and a new supervillain trying to take over right before finals week. For Tessa Kingston, Supers are nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, Tessa likes to pretend that Supers don't even exist at all. Though Tessa isn't exactly shy with her not-so-popular thoughts on Crown City's resident vigilante, Guardian, he seems to have taken a liking to the annoyed teenager. Well, he and his buddies have, that is - buddies meaning two supervillains dressed in Walmart Star Wars masks. Crown City has always been a center for mayhem and superpowers, but when strange things start happening too often to be coincidences, Tessa finds herself in the middle of a fight she didn't start but she sure as hell was going to end. Villains torment her. Heroes try to save her. Tessa just wants to pass Supers 101. In a world full of Supers, it's up to normal-teenager Tessa Kingston to save her city. A typical tagline she's well-aware of, of course. As Tessa prepares to show these Super-fools they messed with the wrong girl, she just has one condition: There's no way she's wearing spandex. *** BOOK #1 OF THE "SUPERHEROES SUCK" DUOLOGY Featured on the Wattpad Adventure, Action, Superhero, and Humour profiles! WARNING: Contains mild swearing, cliffhangers, plot twists, and enough sarcasm to last a lifetime.
The Gangleader Paction by AverageClicheGirl42
AverageClicheGirl42
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It's the middle of the night and it has finally come to your attention that you have mercilessly devoured the last of your Ben and Jerry's, leaving none for an intense movie marathon. Well, what do you do? Reschedule movie night for a date when you do get your greedy little hands on that ice-cream? No! Of course not. You go outside in the middle of the freaking night, by yourself, on foot to the nearest convenient store in hopes to quench your thirst for that heavenly ice-cream, is what you do. Too bad that fool proof plan just got you tied up and duct taped in the back of a van. Yup. Kidnapped. ----------------------- A lot of things remained a mystery about Skyler Brooklynn, aside from the life-threatening addiction for ice-cream and obsession over childish things. She had lived her life mostly alone, away from her gambling father and late mother, so most of her mysteries, even she didn't know. Like the part where she had zilch idea, she had been signed off in place of a great deal of money to a devilishly handsome crime boss. Wait what? And after completely abandoning Sky and making off with the staggering amount of money, her father disappeared from her life replaced with an arrogant, all-business, and uptight gang leader who had returned to collect what was rightfully his. Her. #4 in Humor, Highest Ranking. ©️All Rights Reserved
The Good Girl's Bad Boys [Book One of TGGBB Series] (Completed, Editing) by RubixCube89201
RubixCube89201
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If you're judging this book by its cover and title, you're already proving the point this story wants to make. Try to move past this satirical obstacle in front of you. This is a story about bullying, and like the hundreds of other books on the topic, it will show you the harsh reality of being discriminated, belittled, ridiculed for something you cannot control- how you look, who you love, or what you believe in. But unlike these books, this story's sole purpose is not to tear your heart out of your chest as you mourn over your loss of faith in humanity. Instead, this book will make you laugh and love alongside these characters. Just like in life, there will be moments of dread and surrender, but there will also be moments of happiness, laughter, and love. - Naomi Lorraine, better known as Nerdy Naomi with her thick-rimmed glasses and straight-A report card, is the most unpopular girl in her school. Even with the help of her sarcastic comebacks, that doesn't stop her from getting bullied by everyone in Dartwell High. Every day her childhood bully, Raymond Meyers, knocks her off her feet, literally. However, she can't do anything but survive the laughs, insults, and bruises high school gives her. There are three senior transfer students, dubbed the Three Musketeers: Bennett Frazier, Jordan Wallace, and Declan Lynch. All in one day, Naomi catches their attention one by one. With her snarky attitude, but innocent look, they can't help but want her. But not the way you're thinking. Oh no, not like that. Instead, it's probably the whole opposite. It's quite simple really. She'll be their good girl. And they'll be her bad boys. ~ [This story is a first draft written by a 13 to 15-year-old girl so it has its fair share of grammar mistakes and plot holes.] Wattys 2015 Talk of the Town Award Second Place Story of 2015 Best Humor and Overall Points of The Fiction Awards 2016 Third in the Writers Awards 2016 Highest Ranks: #1 Humor, #1 Teen Fiction
The Good Girl's Bad Boys [Book Two of TGGBB Series] (Ongoing) by RubixCube89201
RubixCube89201
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Book Two of TGGBB Series Naomi Lorraine, who used to be or still known as Nerdy Naomi, looks forward in her thick rimmed glasses to a life without the fear of being bullied. She no longer has to take up the laughs, insults, and bruises high school once gave her, at least she hopes not as much. With her bullies finally realizing there's no point to dedicating their lives to make one person miserable, Naomi thinks she can live out the rest of her life normally. That is until her childhood friend, Dominic, crashes back into her life, throwing out that hope of having a normal life- Not like she had one in the beginning. That is because she has the Three Musketeers -Bennett Frazier, Jordan Wallace, and Declan Lynch- by her side. Together, they faced the adventures life threw at them and would have never thought that anything, or anyone, could break them. Oh, but don't worry. Really, you're overthinking things here. This is nothing to stress over about. It's still quite simple really. She's still their good girl. And they're still her bad boys. Right?
Three of a Kind [Book 0.5 of TGGBB Series; Mini Prequel] by RubixCube89201
RubixCube89201
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The perspective of the Three Musketeers when they first met Naomi. Thank you @TheOkayGirl for editing and enjoying the book, grammar and all
The Gangleader Kidnapped Me | ✓ by whiskeyroses
whiskeyroses
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"You're an asshole," I blurted. "You're such an asshole that your actual asshole is jealous." Silence. What the hell did I just say? Out of all the insults, I choose one that makes the least sense? Damn it, why couldn't I just have been born normal... Wait, never mind. Psh, screw sanity. "Can we keep her?" Tyler suddenly says, bouncing on his tippy toes. "Please, Keith? Can we keep her? Huh, huh, huh?" What am I, a pet? "Keith" whipped his head towards Tyler so fast I could've sworn I heard a crack. "Keep her?" he echoed. "No, Tyler, we can not keep her." Thank you. "She's utterly useless to us, and you want to keep her?" I gasped, placing a hand over my chest. Useless? Damn, these people are rude as hell. "But," Tyler whined, walking over to me. I tensed all over when he squished my cheeks together. "Look at how adorable she is. She's just so innocent... you'd never suspect anything bad from her." Keith expression changed, to one I knew very well from my experiences with Val. Lightbulb. "Tyler, you are a genius," Keith says. Tyler's hands stop squishing my cheeks. "I am?" "He is?!" everyone else says. Keith doesn't reply, just keeps on grinning wickedly. And suddenly I have a feeling that I am not gonna make it out of here alive. - WARNING: VERY CRINGE WORTHY MATERIAL NOW AVAILABLE TO PURCHASE http://www.lulu.com/shop/angel-zenith/the-gangleader-kidnapped-me/paperback/product-23087208.html Highest Rank: #1 in Humor April 19, 2015 CoAuthor: DreamCreature