Hi, I'm Buddy. I'd love to talk about myself, but unfortunately, this book is about Gust. I think you might get bored. Don't start. I'm serious. Gust's favorite things: filter coffee, blackberry yogurt, and standing so still people start wondering if he's dead. His least favorite things? Pretty much everything else. Especially people. Including me. He's known me for twenty-nine years and he's still trying to kick me out. Spoiler alert: he failed. Loooser. Why am I telling this story? I don't know, man. Maybe I just wanted someone to finally see what a total prick this guy is. Maybe I was just bored. Maybe both. But before you start, I need to warn you. This is not a love story. I wish it were, but it's not. One day we went to a clinic and found out Gust was going to lose his balls. I didn't really care because I don't have balls anyway. But this prick, who never wanted a kid a single day in his life, took it way too seriously. And somehow, we ended up looking for the mother of his future child. Yep. That's the plot. I promise you're gonna regret reading this.