Basically a collection of one-shots and short stories about Jerry Orbach (both the characters he's played and the actual man himself) because I'm obsessed and because he is insanely talented and deserves it.

This is the foolproof way to make sure you never fall in love with celebrities who will never know that you exist. If you follow this guide down to the letter, you will never find yourself nakedly reblogging photo sets of Jim Carrey while eating peanut butter out of the can with tears running down your face ever again. You will be free.

You were never the type to seek out older men, in fact men in general. Your passions were strictly focused upon cooking and winning. And that's why being on Hell's Kitchen would be a great step in your culinary career. However, the ticking of the clock wasn't the only thing that made your heart race, and the goal to please Gordon wasn't just palpable when the cameras were turned on. As odd as it may look, Gordon and you were a very unlikely fitting pair. He was like the french fries to your chocolate shake. But lets not get ahead of ourselves you gotta read this shit.