He lit his cigarette, I lit nothing. He drank alcohol, I drank water. He smirked, I smiled. He didn't love me, I didn't love him. He and I together wouldn't last a day. And then the game started... He said he found me intriguing, unique, and interesting because I didn't swoon over him. "You and me Grey, let's play a game. We'll date and in three months time I promise you will fall for me. When you fall in love with me between that time span, I win. If in any way you were to win I'll give up all the alcohol, cigarettes, and player ways." It was a game I wasn't willing to lose, but all games had accidents and consequences. It takes a broken heart to know how to break a heart.

Ridiculous reasons my friend and I came up with for me not having a boyfriend

"You're a pile of poop." "You're a fountain of pee." Dialogue Story

The fifth book in the One Direction Jokes and Randomness series •credit goes to who wrote these•

Serena Davidson leads two lives. At school, she's a morbidly obese, stupid, nerdy, bitchy, slutty, and a teacher's pet. But at home she's the scrawny vegetarian pushover. What would possess someone to wear a fat suit every day? And what happens when someone finds out?

Stereotypes. I hate them. On my first day at my new school, a girl in a blue and white cheerleader's uniform told me I 'looked like a cheerleader' and asked me to come to tryouts. I almost decked her. Blonde hair and blue eyes do not a cheerleader make. Cheerleaders can be bitchy and mean but they can also act all happy and excited and they can drool and swoon over Finn Wallace – the hands-down hottest guy in school – like there's no tomorrow. Me? Well, I'm just bitchy and mean. So someone please tell me why Finn Wallace is suddenly chasing after me? *This is NOT a Bridgit Mendler fan fiction* Copyright © 2013 CrayonChomper

A fandom's humor, a tabloid's humiliation. cover by @diversions There is a Spanish, Italian, Polish, and English version. This is in English, see my reading list for more. Published August 4, 2014.

"I want to see the fifty shades of you," Copyright©2014 Cover by: @stickitstilinski

“Well hey there, at least buy me dinner first.” I could feel Aaron's eyes burning through the back of my head as he stared down at me. Down. Towards his crotch. I was face to crotch with Aaron Cross. --- Life is full of Awkward moments; unfortunately for Blake Miller, her life is just one big Awkward moment. From being named Blake because her parents were expecting a boy, to walking in on her dad "wrestling" with her mother's sister. But when Blake's house gets damaged from a hazardous flood and they tear her house down brick by brick when they find a severe mold infestation, her life is about to pass the level of Awkward when they move in with her mom's current boyfriend and his insufferable son who just so happens to be her school's notorious star player -- and not just in sports. Blake's situation probably wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't a history between the two, and she will soon realize that not only will her past reveal itself, but so will the secrets kept hidden around her. [DISCLAIMER: i am aware that wattpad changed the rating to rated R, but that's only because of the excessive amount of swearing from the characters. other than that, this book contains mostly PG-13 material.] [humor #13 - 04/11/15]

What happens at camp stays at camp. // est. July 26th, 2014 - #1 in fanfiction [cover by lex]