"Give me ten days, and I can give you ten reasons not to die." Evan paused. "And if I can't change your mind by then, you can go jump off that cliff."

They're worlds apart, and this isn't high school, so how the hell did a homeless female writer end up renting a billionaire's mansion? And - hold your breath - becoming his fake girlfriend? ➳ full blurb inside ➳ first reached #1 in humor on july 6, 2015 ➳ first reached #1 in business on august 29, 2023 ➳ winner of best humor book in the fiction awards 2016 ➳ featured by cadbury (marvellous creations) and secret lives of the americans (pivot) P.S. This is a SATIRICAL BILDUNGSROMAN. Proceed with caution. (cover by @glueeater)

Pental Pal (noun) - one who exchanges letters to one another as pen pals. But uses the same writing utensil, in this case, a pentel pencil. They never wanted to do this from the start. The thought of writing to a complete stranger. Never seeing whose handwriting is in the letter you're reading. Someone who could be miles, maybe even oceans away from you. And all you get is a picture and a name. To Lizzabeth Teschler, this is extra credit. Even though she doesn't want to do this, she had to. But she's doing this for extra credit so she can still maintain her title of having the highest GPA record. Then she could finish the rest of high school and go off to college. Her whole life is all planned out for her, and she can't do anything to change it. There's a future for her, but not the one she wants. To William Patier, it's cruel torture. He had to do this against his will. This is his last chance before he gets shipped off to military school. Nothing but waking up at dawn, eating disgusting food, and not have a single girl in sight every day. After he graduates from school, who knows where he'll find himself. There's no future for him, not like there's any way to change it. So two complete opposites from different worlds are forced to write each other for a whole year. Add that with some arguments, secrets, two pentel pencils, some cookie butter, a Green Day album, an origami heart, some coffee from Starbucks, two teachers dating, Eddie Anderson, a rival and a cheater. With all that bundled up, who knows what will happen? But at least they don't know each other... right?

Kennedy (Kenna) isn't known for her beauty. She's never been complimented on her appearance unless being called beautiful by your family counts, and to Kenna- it doesn't. Sick of being ignored because of her looks, Kennedy gives herself a makeover but it isn't very successful. After encountering a crying Marissa Rivers on the behalf of her obnoxious brother, Noah, she becomes acquaintances with the girl. After a chat about Kenna's failed efforts at makeup and how she's a nondrinker, she offers Kenna the help of her and her friends. Kenna graciously agrees but there's a catch. Kenna will have to be the girls' designated driver to the next few parties that they want to attend until she can do her own makeup which may take a while but what happens when Kenna accidentally gets drunk at one of the parties and Noah has to bring her and the other girls back to their home? She gets involved in a lot more than she planned. And it seems as if all she wanted was to become beautiful.

It was pity that first made Dannie speak to him. She had known Ryan since she was a kid, but he had always been the popular Golden Boy, and she had always been the tomboy that didn’t mind not having any friends. It was odd, she had thought, that all the popular kids who had once kissed the ground he walked on, didn’t so much spared him a glance anymore, and it was this that made her sit with him that one faithful day and begin something that would only end up causing her pain.

Nerdy Dakota Evans makes the biggest mistake of her life by falling in love with her best friend, Aaron Ford. Despite coming from entirely different cliques in school, will their relationship have a chance? *** In a high school where everyone belongs to cliques, nerdy and boyish Dakota Evans' friendship with basketball jock, Aaron Ford, becomes a big issue. Aaron's highly protective of Dakota and doesn't realize that she's in love with him. With their friendship eventually going on the rocks, will Aaron finally realize his true feelings for Dakota before it's too late? [[word count: 90,000-100,000 words]]

Hannah Taylors finally gives in to her desperation and does one of the stupidest things a girl can do to grab her unapproachable long-time crush Jonah Gibbs' attention: spill soda on his white shirt and leave a motherfrigging red blotch on it. Accidentally... on purpose.

Luke's ass sits on a throne at the top of the social chain, but with popularity comes limitations. Don't do this; don't do that; you like which movie? As Luke loses sight of who he is, Ari Quiroz steps into his life. Spunky and loudmouthed, the fearless Filipino teen inadvertently shows Luke what it's like to live life without barricades. However, with the fear of being a freak and the temptations of popularity luring him in, Luke has to decide what's more important. If drunk words are sober thoughts, then Luke Hemmings is in for one hell of a hangover. ✖ OFFICIAL winner of the 2015 Watty's in the "Talk of the Town" category. #233 in Random - 06 February 2015 #911 in Fanfiction - 25 February 2015 #576 in Fanfiction - 23 May 2015 #130 in Fanfiction - 29 May 2015 #91 in Fanfiction - 24 June 2015 #9 in Fanfiction - 5 July 2015 #2 in Fanfiction - 15 July 2015 TRIGGER WARNINGS: Depression, Suicide, Bullying, Vulgar Language ✖ Started on: 19 July 2014 Completed on: 3 June 2015 Reviewed by Emily of Wattmag issue #4.

After an amusing banter at the library with a mysterious guy, Savannah hopes that it's the last she'll see of the bickering boy. Come to find out, he's a new student at her school who just so happens to be a junior, much like Savannah. He feels the need to stick around her even though she is the target for childish rumors, gave him the wrong number purposely, has all the comebacks for his pickup lines, tried to run him over with her car, constantly embarrasses him, and repeatedly tells him to 'get lost' or 'shove off.' During their many adventures, not only do they get into many bad situations but they make a few enemies along the way. Will his determination to befriend this stubborn girl spark a friendship between the two or a special kind of hatred? <><><> WARNING: I wrote this story when I was fetus- even more fetus than I am now. I was thirteen and I finished it two or three weeks after I turned 14. That means that this story has grammatical errors. So please, read at your own risk. --- I DO NOT TAKE CREDIT FOR THE PICTURE IN THE COVER. I SIMPLY SLAM DUNKED SOME WORDS ONTO IT. I DON'T OWN THE PICTURE. I SIMPLY FOUND IT ON APP.

A poem for one of the best books on Wattpad. Love you Rubix!