They're worlds apart, and this isn't high school, so how the hell did a homeless female writer end up renting a billionaire's mansion? And - hold your breath - becoming his fake girlfriend? ➳ full blurb inside ➳ first reached #1 in humor on july 6, 2015 ➳ first reached #1 in business on august 29, 2023 ➳ winner of best humor book in the fiction awards 2016 ➳ featured by cadbury (marvellous creations) and secret lives of the americans (pivot) P.S. This is a SATIRICAL BILDUNGSROMAN. Proceed with caution. (cover by @glueeater)

Long Story Short Definition: phrase used to introduce a shortened account of events. Usage: slang. Example: Long story short, I like you. Top ranks: short story #81, romance #230 [current beautiful cover by @lydiarse]

"No amount of coffee could keep me awake like you do." Jake is the hockey player with the hot girlfriend. Katie is the girl with a name no one remembers. Jake is used to getting what he wants. Katie is used to getting coffee for her hungover mother. Until one night, one chance meeting between two strangers changes everything. No words, no stories to share, and above all, no names. Just two people who don't know each other, a hot string of kisses in bathroom, and a mutual goodbye. Except there's one problem: Katie felt something.

‘He went out of the room. In his boxers. Again. Like the laws and principles of the universe, which were scientifically proven, I couldn’t help but scowl. He smirked. “Well, stop drooling all over me.” I wrinkled my nose. “Right. Good luck with your delusions.” With that, I prepared to leave. Cam’s jaw twitched. He walked closer to me. Closer still. His green eyes held me in place. Before I knew it, he was standing inches from me. I was holding my breath. He smiled confidently. “Falling in love with me?” I didn’t know why... but I was speechless.’ Seventeen year-old Shea Collins’s life was pretty much falling apart. She was flunking her Physics class, she has a hundred bucks to pay to a long-lost childhood friend she could barely remember, she was receiving anonymous declarations of love from a secret admirer (which were completely embarrassing), and now her spot on the school paper is in jeopardy. What she wants: To keep her spot as the feature editor of the school paper. How she plans to do it: To survive being a phantom writer. A writer no one would know of. A mystery. Someone who would write gossips and rumors about students. Who she’s planning to target: Oh, just the biggest jerk of the century—Camden Sun. What she’s going to get: Trouble. Lots of it. What she didn’t expect: The unexpected (duh). Love.

WATTPAD ORIGINAL EDITION In 1955, mixed-race Ethan Harper leaves his progressive hometown for a summer in Alabama where he's not welcome, except by resident free spirit, Juniper Jones. ***** After getting himself into a bout of trouble, 16-year-old Ethan Harper's parents send him to Ellison, Alabama, to live with his aunt and uncle for the summer. But the year is 1955, and Alabama is a far cry from his beloved home of Arcadia, Washington. As much as it's hotter in temperature, it's colder in every other way, and Ethan learns the hard way that people see his mere existence as a threat. Amidst all the mayhem, a fiery, free-spirited, oddball walks into Ethan's life. Her name is Juniper Jones. She is the first person in Ellison who seems unfazed by their racial differences, and she promises to give Ethan a summer he will always remember, filled with endless adventure and discovery. With Juniper, Ethan can breathe, he can be, despite the incessant attention and bullying their newly formed friendship attracts. Can the two survive the summer, run in the light and block out the noise of the outside world? [Published version comes out June 16, 2020 with Wattpad Books!] [[word count: 70,000-80,000 words]]

"Not just a flavour, but a way of life." When seventeen-year-old Flo Kennedy is forced to up sticks and trade her life in London for a sleepy seaside town on the south coast, she's anything but excited. Walden-on-Sea could win awards for being Britain's dullest town, and with a population consisting almost entirely of over sixties, teenagers are an endangered species. Silently struggling with her parents' death and separation from her sister, Flo's convinced she's in for the worst summer of her life. But when she meets the guy in the ice cream shop, things start to change. It's not long before she lands herself a job, a new set of friends and maybe even the beginnings of first romance. For the first time in several years, she's happy. But Flo knows all too well that things can't stay perfect forever, and after all, being on top of the world only gives you further to fall.

Fiona Pearce is the kind of girl who can never say no to anyone. As long as she can do something to help out, she'll do it in a heartbeat. So when her father faces a problem and asks for her help to find her missing brother, Finn, in a school where he works at, she's more than willing to extend a hand and go the extra mile. She sets off on a journey to find the missing boy in a population of a four hundred and sixty-five. The only problem is, Corner Stone High School is not just an ordinary high school. It is an exclusive school... for boys. Will she find him? Or will she be found out? And as she gets things straight, will something unexpected happen? Tossing the coin of luck and fate, she ventures to find the answers herself.

She know what she is. The question is, what has she done?

A painful breakup pushes Kyla Evans to get into a fake relationship with the person her ex-boyfriend hates the most: Seth Everett. But what will she do when the game starts to feel too real? ***** Seventeen-year-old Kyla has sworn off love. After getting dumped all too suddenly by her longtime boyfriend Cedric, she becomes convinced that people are never really who you think they are. So when notorious playboy Seth Everett suggests that Kyla fake date him to get back at Cedric, it seems like the perfect plan... as long as she doesn't end up falling for him. Content and/or trigger warning: This story mentions cancer, which may be triggering for some readers. [[word count: 150,000-200,000 words]]

me: "hi" him: "hey"