Basically where I let out my random energy and things I would like the world to know. CAUTION: Too many intakes of random jokes may result in LAUGHTER :D

Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemonsLemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemonsLemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,Lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons,lemons WARNING: NOT A LEMON SMUT, ACTUAL LEMON BOOK.

Florida Forest Service duty officer Ray Lumley is in love with a white fringetree. Not an I-read-Walden-in-high-school love; a sweaty, sappy, I-want-to-rub-against-you-'til-I-get-splinters love. It's awkward. So, he's relieved to learn that he's really hot for Trivia, the dreadlocked, radical environmentalist nymph who lives inside the tree. Better yet, she wants to share an eternity of Arcadian delights with him. But first she has to kill the man she holds responsible for a spate of forest fires--Ray's boss, a mid-level bureaucrat (and soccer dad) who she insists is the King of the Woods. -- King of the Woods, or Trivial Pursuit retells the myth of rex Nemorensis as an urban fantasy. Updates every Tuesday.

*****WATTYS 2015 WINNER!***** WATTPAD STAFF PICK (9/7/15) In the end, the robots win. But you already knew that. "Everyone Died + My iPhone Stopped Working" is a collection of short interviews with some of the survivors. People who have tremendous insight into the rise of Artificially Intelligent machines or, more often, don't. Why did the robots rise up? What did they want? Why couldn't they be stopped? Can they be stopped now? Is humanity doomed? And what the f--k is going on with the squirrels? You will get the answers to all of these questions. Or some of these questions. Or none of these questions. We'll see. I will be updating this once a week until I run out of stuff that I find funny. Then I'm done. Cover art courtesy of the hilarious and ridiculously talented Dave Pressler. (http://www.davepresslerart.com)

I'm pretty extraordinary (read: absolutely normal) for an average guy named Patrick- Patrick Kraker, and before you ask, no, I do not want a cracker; neither does Polly. Polly's sick of crackers. a) My summer job may or may not involve spray painting myself completely silver and standing motionless in the park. Of course not. b) I also may or may not be investigating and communicating with a homeless guy who is (possibly): one, not actually homeless and two, part of a cult of (probably) bloodthirsty satanic worshippers. *** Copyright © 2015 by unfurled All rights reserved #34 Humour Featured as of 28/04/16

The family burns basics. Trashes tropes. Their daughter isn't out for blood. She's out for the person who started the cliche that ended her. ✯ ✯ ✯ "Even though I dip your toothbrush in the toilet bowl, excessively steal your clothes, purposefully annoy the hell out of you, and wish at every 11:11 that you'd be in a body bag the next morning - you're still my sister. And we will always have one another's back." ✯ ✯ ✯ "You're a cute banana." "Excuse me?" "Yellow on the outside, white on the inside." He read my silence as confusion and added, "Your little brother there is an Oreo; black on the outside, white on the inside. Your pretty sister over there is a coconut; brown on the outside, white on-" "What the shit. That's how you want to hit on me?" +++ Wendzel Baxtard, a feminist killjoy armed with heavy loads of sarcasm and marinates herself in self-respect, is ready to destroy the ethnic slurs and derogatory terms that were brought on her because of the clothes she wore and her sexual behaviors.

Madness can only be written in blood. //#1 in Horror, #1 in Action, #34 in Humour and WATTY AWARD WINNER: One of the Most Addictive Stories of 2014 and Featured Story//A Horror Comedy by 8tracks// You can't spell 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'. An adventure in which she takes great pleasure in seeing a whole lot of blood. CAUTION: Contains sick humour and terrifying insanity. Thus, no lighthearted readers allowed. // Are you ready? Because "some say to survive, you have to be Mad As A Hatter." Cover by @xHeyItsAnnax amazing trailer by @carpe-di3m

Short poetry collection

Now A Wattpad Featured Story... A collection of short stories where faeries good, bad, and just plain scary roam a world of Rock-n-Roll and Marilyn Monroe. ♛ CONTENTS ♛ 1. Truly Elemental // 1957 2. Barren // 1941 3. Red Cap // 1962 4. Dress Up // 1950s 5. Over Your Grave // 1956 6. The Bleeding Boy and the Bruja // 1946 7. Changeling // 1940s 8. Jack Be Nimble // 1950s 9. Drown //1958 10. The Dryad // Holiday Special

Sometimes all you really need is a place to call home. *** Claire is lost and scared and utterly alone. Her family is in shambles after the death of her older sister Ina, and she's left to pick up the broken pieces of herself as her life heads into a downwards spiral of loneliness. Her heart leads her to 5:48, a little cafe by 33rd street, where she finds her new home. With a broken heart and a speech disability, Jasper has his heart and mouth sewn shut by the winding threads of hurt and fear. Painting and serving coffee in cafe 5:48 are one of his last few saving graces, but the smile he's been painting on himself will soon fade away as everything he's ever held dear slips away from his grasp. Ezra is out-of-sync and oddly cold by the way life has treated his young self. Abandoned by his single mother at an early age, he has grown up thinking that he is a mistake. His constant shaking hands are a reflection of what he often thinks of himself, but the delightful pastries he bakes for 5:48's customers are a reflection of what others see of him. Drew is a quirky rarity. He is a dash of loud, a pinch of exuberant, and a cup of eccentric - just like the meals he serves in the cafe as the only chef there. Behind his playful grins and outlandish clothes, however, are his jutting ribs, hollowed cheeks, and too-thin arms. Sometimes he cannot stomach being in his own skin as much as he cannot stomach food. This family has gone a long way from finding each other, and they'll be going a long way together too as reality comes catching up to them, threatening the newfound happiness they've found with each other. Secrets are revealed, pasts become presents, and lives are changed. Slowly but surely, they find their way back home. *** NOTE AS OF 08/2026: This is the old version of the story from 2012, posted in FULL. Another story that will be considered a reprise of this old version is in the works, and will be posted under the name "Hiraya House."