"Hello?" "Um, hey?" "Wait, you don't sound like my Aunt Kathy." "Unless I was miraculously converted into a member of the opposite gender and somehow related to whoever is on the other side of this call, then yeah. I'm not your Aunt Kathy." "Oh, shiitake mushrooms." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Short Story #1 (19/04/18) 2016 Fiction Awards Finalist © 2015 evethespy. All Rights Reserved.

Madness can only be written in blood. //#1 in Horror, #1 in Action, #34 in Humour and WATTY AWARD WINNER: One of the Most Addictive Stories of 2014 and Featured Story//A Horror Comedy by 8tracks// You can't spell 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'. An adventure in which she takes great pleasure in seeing a whole lot of blood. CAUTION: Contains sick humour and terrifying insanity. Thus, no lighthearted readers allowed. // Are you ready? Because "some say to survive, you have to be Mad As A Hatter." Cover by @xHeyItsAnnax amazing trailer by @carpe-di3m

❝I think you're more of a goddamn female than I am, James.❞ | ❝Pfft, don't you know? The only thing straighter than me is my parking, Janice.❞ | Copyright © 2015 Sarena Akhter. All Rights Reserved.

[Before you begin reading just a quick warning; this story has painfully slow updates, it is also very cliche but it does improve as the story goes on] When Jade Everett was ten years old, her first kiss was stolen by Jared Felton. Six years later Jade has still not forgiven him, although she doesn't really have to worry about it seen as she knows she will never see him again. This all changes when none other than the Jared Felton enrolls in her school, looking more gorgeous than ever. Jared quickly becomes worshipped at Eastwood high, despite his bad attendance record, awful attitude, low care tolerance for school and the cocky smirk which never seems to leave his lips; he still finds a way to make everyone in a 10K radius fall in love with him. Well, everyone except Jade. And Jared is willing to do anything to change that. Can Jared win Jade over, or will he always just be the boy who stole her first kiss? ♥My Stolen First Kiss reached #1 on Teen Fiction 20/8/14 ♥My Stolen First Kiss reached #1 on Humor on 20/8/14 [Story will be properly edited when completed]

my system is clogged with metaphor and i need to get it out A WATTPAD FEATURED STORY (!) nb: if lack of capitalisation and 'artistic' punctuation don't tickle your pickle, apologies but this book is not for you [working title] probable swearing... you have been warned one more thing: don't steal my shit or i will hunt you down x

Having a bad day? Need a good laugh? This book is just for you! (A compilation of jokes I have found online & offline. Credits goes to the many humorous authors.)

"My beautiful Puppet Boy and my beautiful Puppet Girl." A teenage boy and girl find themselves trapped in the lair of a crazy man obsessed with human puppetry. __________________ #1 in horror - 12/6/15 [featured - 12/30/15] IMPORTANT NOTICE - if you're reading this story on a site that is not www.wattpad.com then you could be at risk of a malware attack. Furthermore, please go to this link: www.wattpad.com/user/z0mbies, and report to me where you are reading this story. Thank you. WARNING: This story contains distressing material. Reader discretion advised. The characters in this book are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

It was Rory’s Grandma that made the two predictions; the day of her own death, and the day Rory would die. Nobody really takes Grandma seriously – that is, until she suddenly passes away on the exact date she’s predicted. In a fit of panic, Rory decides to embark on a bizarre, crazed mission to live life to the full. Together with her friends, she throws the rulebook out of the window and tastes what the world has to offer; excessively wild nights, malicious revenge plans, and arrogant, beautiful boys. Rory thinks she has nothing to lose. But her family is slowly starting to crumble, and her friends are getting sick of her reckless attitude. There’s only so long she can party before the terror of her deathday rolls around. Rory has to choose between bowing out disgracefully, with her name seared into the town’s memory – or fighting the out-of-control girl she’s become before it’s too late.

A BAD BOY STOLE MY BRA is published and no longer available on Wattpad. It is available in multiple languages, including English, French, German, Italian and Indonesian as paperback and e-book internationally. It is also available as an adaptation on the app Episode - 'It Started With a Bra.' This copy has the first 3 chapters ONLY. SPIN OFF SEQUEL (Same characters): The Anti Delinquent System is fully available on Wattpad! It follows Chase's love story, with large amounts of Riley, Alec, Joe, Violet and Dylan! Picture this: You wake up in the middle of the night, swamped in your star wars covers and completely and utterly groggy to the extent that you look like something from the Monsters Inc. movie. You hear a sound, so you sit up and turn your lamp on, and that's when you see it. Your new neighbour, clambering halfway through your window (Still managing to look like some sort of a Greek god, I may add) holding your MICKEY MOUSE BRA. What do you do? Well, you scream obviously. Then what? Why, you get revenge of course. Romance #1 Humour #3 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Cover and Official Trailer made by @moonxriver

"Don't be silly," I said with a wry smile stretched over my lips. "I'm not in love with him." I let out a small huff of air - something half on it's way to becoming a laugh, even though the last thing I felt right then was happy. "I'm in love all on my own." * * * Falling in love is meant to be beautiful. It's meant to be pure and simple and all things wonderful. Or at least that's the picture that Disney painted. Sure they had to battle it out and defeat some evil, but in the end they all got their happily ever after's. To be honest I kind of really hated Disney. Disney told the stories of the prince falling in love with the poor abused girl, and the tale of the beauty who fell in love with the beast, but they never told the one about the unrequited love. They never took in account the girl who stood pathetically in the background watching forlornly as their prince charming walked hand in hand with someone else. To make it worse? I wasn't even the victim here. I was the bad guy. Because I didn't just fall in love with a guy that was with someone else, I fell in love with the guy that was with my best friend. My name's Taylor Lucas, but you can call me ... well you might as well call me two faced bitch. And this isn't my love story. **EDIT** sooo this story got way more popular than i thought it ever would. And that's amazing but it also means that as of April 2020 i no longer have time to read every comment people leave on here. If u have any questions that u really want answered you'll have to @ me in the comment for me to see it. Or send me a dm. Thank you all for your support it means so much to me