Hannah Taylors finally gives in to her desperation and does one of the stupidest things a girl can do to grab her unapproachable long-time crush Jonah Gibbs' attention: spill soda on his white shirt and leave a motherfrigging red blotch on it. Accidentally... on purpose.

Ari Callahan has no idea how to talk to boys -- or how to talk to anyone for that matter. Enter Zac, the cute new guy in town who won't stop texting her. But is his interest real, or does he have a hidden agenda? ***** Found as a young child washed up on the beach, 17-year-old Ari Callahan has never uttered a word out loud to anyone -- not even her adoptive family. Psychologists have diagnosed her with a condition called selective mutism, but Ari can't help identifying with her namesake character, Ariel, the little mermaid in the fairytale whose voice was stolen by a sea witch. Mermaid-obsession aside, Ari's silence makes socializing tough. She's never had a boyfriend or been asked out on a date. Not until Zac, the confident new arrival in town, asks for her number. But Zac has his own reasons for texting with Ari. He's part of a movement to sabotage the artificial music app called SirenSong, threatening to render human singing obsolete. Zac's collaborators have scoured the globe in search of a singing voice perfect enough to break the SirenSong spell, and their search has led them straight to Ari's beachside town. Will her relationship with Zac help Ari find her voice and unlock the secrets of her origins? Or will he use her and leave her high and dry? Title: Ari and Zac (formerly The Mermaid Hypothesis) Content Warning: This story contains references to selective mutism, suicidal thoughts, and early childhood trauma.

"How long do you think they'll last?" "I don't know, Evans and Snape didn't last two years, and they were inseparable." "Yeah, heard Snape introduced her to magic." "Yet they didn't last two years in rival houses." "What about the new chicks? Do you think they'll last?" "I don't know, they're all in separate houses. I doubt they'll find time for each other." "How much do you want to give it?" "Ten galleons on the end of the year." "I'll bind you on that one." Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, in the year 1974 is welcoming four foreign exchange students- from Nepal. The Clovers. Hogwarts- oft recognized as a place where you find friends as close as family, more importantly as a place where you find yourself - is brutal when it comes to relations from before students started going to the institute. Take Severus and Lily for example, they had been inseparable before boarding the train, but then they got sorted into different houses and next thing you know, they aren't even in speaking terms. That's how Hogwarts works see, in mysterious ways. It creates bonds, yes, but it also breaks them. What happens when four best friends, the renowned group that went by the name of Clovers, are accepted into one of the most eminent wizarding school in the world? Four best friends, four best friends with a bond as strong as the infamous Marauders, perhaps even more. What happens when Hogwarts works against their friendship, separating the quartet into the four different houses? What happens when the best of friends are put in the houses with the strongest rivalry? Will they get sucked in the house rivalry just like how Hogwarts wants them to? Or will they rise beyond such petty house rivalries? Will they defy Hogwarts's plans to dissociate the Clovers? Will their friendship prove itself? Will they last?

They're worlds apart, and this isn't high school, so how the hell did a homeless female writer end up renting a billionaire's mansion? And - hold your breath - becoming his fake girlfriend? ➳ full blurb inside ➳ first reached #1 in humor on july 6, 2015 ➳ first reached #1 in business on august 29, 2023 ➳ winner of best humor book in the fiction awards 2016 ➳ featured by cadbury (marvellous creations) and secret lives of the americans (pivot) P.S. This is a SATIRICAL BILDUNGSROMAN. Proceed with caution. (cover by @glueeater)