Sick of cliché Wattpad books? Then this isn't the book for you. We take every single over-used plot, character and trope on Wattpad - from player-meets-nerd to my-boyfriend-is-a-vampire - and mash it all into one, awful, hilarious parody. NOTE: This is a parody. Characters have not been created to mock a race/nationality/sexuality, they have been created to lightly poke fun at the way certain teen fiction writers reduce them into crude stereotypes. Thanks for helping this pile of junk get to #1 in Humor!

He was a billionaire, I was a bellboy, can I make it anymore obvious? It all started one fateful afternoon in summer of 2012. I was working as a bellboy at the Trump Hotel in Hong Kong on an internship program. This was my first time in a big city. It was all I could have ever dreamed of, and more. But little did I know, it was all about to change. Follow me on twitter.com/aguywithnolife Please note, this story may contain mature humor that isn't suitable for all ages.

"Okay, where do you want me to start?" "Anywhere you wish." "There were five of us. Dani, Elizabeth, Audrey, Taylor and me. We spent about 9 months in the basement. The walls where cement. The floor was cement. We each had our own chairs. Dani had her baby blue chair with white roses in the upper right corner. Elizabeth had her pale pink chair with white daiseys in the lower right corner. Audrey had her yellow chair with white roses in the upper left corner. Taylor had her black chair with red roses in the lower left corner. I had a white chair with sunflowers that sat in the center, the very center of the room. Each of us had a light above our heads. There were no covers in the lights just the wires losely hanging with the light attached at the end. The front legs of all our chairs had buckles that when we sat down they were right where our ankles were like he knew just were to put them. There were buckles on our arm rests that when we laid are arms on them the buckels our wrist were in the perfect spot. I think its funny how we all never made the conecction." "What conecction would that be?" "That we all have brown hair, blue eyes, were 5'5, all weighed 130. That when you put the first letter of each of our names together it spells Death. I love how at one point we all thought something, right before we were taken. Dani thought she was going to get mail. Elizabeth thought she was picking up dinner. Audrey thought she was going to class. Taylor thought she was taking her dog for a walk and I thought I was going to marry him and that I loved him with all my heart."

❝A book for comebacks.❞ WARNING// If easily offended please do not read this book as you might be upset by some of the content.

At the top of the stairs there are four secrets hidden. Blond, beautiful, innocent, and struggling to stay alive… They were a perfect family, golden and carefree—until a heartbreaking tragedy shattered their happiness. Now, for the sake of an inheritance that will ensure their future, the children must be hidden away out of sight, as if they never existed. Kept on the top floor of their grandmother’s vast mansion, their loving mother assures them it will be just for a little while. But as brutal days swell into agonizing months and years, Cathy, Chris, and twins Cory and Carrie realize their survival is at the mercy of their cruel and superstitious grandmother…and this cramped and helpless world may be the only one they ever know. Flowers in the Attic is V.C. Andrews's first and most famous novel. It became a runaway bestseller upon its publication in 1979 and was the first book in the Dollanganger Family series, followed by Petals on the Wind, If There Be Thorns, Seeds of Yesterday, and Garden of Shadows. Nearly 35 years after publication, Lifetime TV aired a movie version of it in January 2014, which became one of the station's highest-rate programs, boasting more than 6 million viewers. Petals on the Wind, based on the book of the same name, will air on Lifetime TV on May 26, 2014. This excerpt of the opening chapters of the book will show you what millions of readers have already discovered--that the world of V.C. Andrews is an entrancing, fascinating place. Enjoy!