They're worlds apart, and this isn't high school, so how the hell did a homeless female writer end up renting a billionaire's mansion? And - hold your breath - becoming his fake girlfriend? ➳ full blurb inside ➳ first reached #1 in humor on july 6, 2015 ➳ first reached #1 in business on august 29, 2023 ➳ winner of best humor book in the fiction awards 2016 ➳ featured by cadbury (marvellous creations) and secret lives of the americans (pivot) P.S. This is a SATIRICAL BILDUNGSROMAN. Proceed with caution. (cover by @glueeater)

A somewhat normal college student decides to stay in a house with six other students: Leon the dramatic pretty boy. Minnie the extreme couponing Philosophy major. Kayla the fashion diva who drinks way too much Starbucks. Ricardo the mature Psychology major. JC the dancing maniac with too cute dimples. Then finally Chance the paranoid and quiet Geology nerd with a heavily medicated turtle that is the devil reincarnated named Larry. And throw in a couple of crazy cousins, an ex who wants revenge, a protective older brother, a couple of killers, and you got yourself a craaaazy first year of College! Warning! This story contains a ton of colorful/naughty words, heated content, a crazy ass turtle, annnd a whole lot of random shit related to fandoms! Oh, and this isn't editted! You've been warned :D Going to be re-written in late 2017/2018.

Quinlan "Quinn" O'Connor is a 37 year old ex-Marine, ex-cop who now owns a private security company. His clients are the rich and powerful of California. Quinn gets a call from his soon to be ex-wife, Anna, he must meet her immediately. Thinking this is a meeting to finalize his divorce Quinn quickly finds himself wrapped into something much darker.