They're worlds apart, and this isn't high school, so how the hell did a homeless female writer end up renting a billionaire's mansion? And - hold your breath - becoming his fake girlfriend? ➳ full blurb inside ➳ first reached #1 in humor on july 6, 2015 ➳ first reached #1 in business on august 29, 2023 ➳ winner of best humor book in the fiction awards 2016 ➳ featured by cadbury (marvellous creations) and secret lives of the americans (pivot) P.S. This is a SATIRICAL BILDUNGSROMAN. Proceed with caution. (cover by @glueeater)

(The first installment in the 'My Life' series.) "Whoever said, 'the more you lie, the easier it gets' was wrong. It doesn't get easier. It gets harder. Because sooner or later, the lies will suffocate you until you're just an empty shell waiting to die. I should know. I'm already halfway there." - Isabella Meet Isabella Ace, a 250 pound girl who was voted the 'ugliest girl' by her peers at Woodway Prep--a school for the rich. Sick of all the bullies, mostly Thomas Reed--the arrogant airhead and all around douchebag, she decided enough was enough. One year later, she's back, better than ever, and ready for revenge. But with a guilty conscience and a mysterious past waiting to be discovered, Isabella's life just got a whole lot harder. *Watty 2012 Special Award Winner: Big Screen Adaptation* *Published by Summit Media: Pop Fiction 1/1/16 (international author)* *#1 Teen Fiction (4/8) (4/26) (6/25) (6/29) (7/5) (7/23) (7/27) (8/16) (8/21) (8/23) (8/29) (9/7) (10/13) (10/19 - 10/28)*

"Xander, you can't sit here and tell us that this doesn't look the least bit suspicious to you," Mordecai told me. "I'm pretty sure I know my own girlfriend, and I highly doubt she would shoot herself just to prove a point, or whatever the fuck you think she did it for," I replied. "This memory thing she has going on doesn't sit well with me. It's shady if we're being honest," Nadia commented. "You're just mad that Xander isn't interested in you anymore," Aziel told her. I inwardly laughed at the look on her face. "Ok, so maybe we need to look at this from a non biased view. She showed up shot, she can't remember anything, and her recent activities are questionable. That doesn't necessarily mean that she's guilty of all these crimes," Nigel pointed out. "Are we all forgetting the glorified fact that Xander taught her how to fight, and it only took her a day to learn everything? The girl is dangerous and you're all being blind!" Nadia said in frustration. I shrugged. "She's a fast learner. I don't get what you're so worked up about." "What is it about this girl that makes everyone doubt that she could possibly be a murderer?" she asked. "Have you even met her? Because you seriously sound bitter more than anything," Malachi told her. "I don't need to meet her. I know enough," she snapped. I got off of the table I was leaning on. "Look Nadia, you're honestly picking at straws, and it's clear that you don't like Noelle much, but I would highly suggest you stop accusing her of all this shit because she's innocent and you're starting to piss me off." "She's guilty and I'll prove it!" she said determinedly. I was about to say something when the door to the operations room flung open, revealing Margaux. "Alright, listen up! You have a new mission." "Finally! What is it?" Aziel asked. She smirked slowly. "It's simple really. Forget everything you thought you knew about Noelle Solano." Fuck my life!

After an amusing banter at the library with a mysterious guy, Savannah hopes that it's the last she'll see of the bickering boy. Come to find out, he's a new student at her school who just so happens to be a junior, much like Savannah. He feels the need to stick around her even though she is the target for childish rumors, gave him the wrong number purposely, has all the comebacks for his pickup lines, tried to run him over with her car, constantly embarrasses him, and repeatedly tells him to 'get lost' or 'shove off.' During their many adventures, not only do they get into many bad situations but they make a few enemies along the way. Will his determination to befriend this stubborn girl spark a friendship between the two or a special kind of hatred? <><><> WARNING: I wrote this story when I was fetus- even more fetus than I am now. I was thirteen and I finished it two or three weeks after I turned 14. That means that this story has grammatical errors. So please, read at your own risk. --- I DO NOT TAKE CREDIT FOR THE PICTURE IN THE COVER. I SIMPLY SLAM DUNKED SOME WORDS ONTO IT. I DON'T OWN THE PICTURE. I SIMPLY FOUND IT ON APP.