*this story is very descriptive and may be considered triggering. Be in a safe frame of mind when reading* Thought wanderings of a depressed mess...No real rhyme or reason..insights about death, suicide, self injury, self hate,bullying, abuse. Allot of what if's, if only, maybe's...the emotional rollercoaster that goes with sexual abuse, physical abuse,.neglect, addictions, mental health issues, hospitalizations and family hatred. As mainly seen thru the eyes of Adalaine Marie(I am female!! trapped in a boys body) this is not just her story it's also her past. Adalaine, feels she is a horrid slut, garbage of no use to anyone but a quick fuck, a whore, not wanted by anyone but those who abused her so bad. *PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION AS THIS IS TRIGGERING AND GRAPHIC*