poetry is a vice. ➳ 2014 watty awards winner for poetry ➳ gorgeous cover by @mountainy

"Hello?" "Why do '24 hours, 7 days a week' shops have locks on their doors?" "Uh-" "Why is the meaning of life hard to find when we have dictionaries?" "Um perso-" "Why is the word 'abbreviation' so long?" "I dont kno-" "If a cow laughed really hard would milk come out its nose?" "Hey-" "Does a postman deliver his own mail?" "MYSTERY PERSON!" "Yes?" "I don't know the answers to your stupid questions." "Okay then, how's life?" ---------------------------------------- Hello fellow readers! Thank you for clicking on my book, I hope you enjoy it. This book is from my imagination so please don't steal it. Highest ranking in short story: #5 ** this story is completed ** My story is edited but I know it's not perfect. If anyone finds any spelling or grammar mistakes feel free to comment in the comment section. Thank you.

These are the stories of my cleaning days, my invisible days, my soooooo lost I got found days. You do have to get lost before you can be found. It's just the way it is! Here's a bit of my lost days stories and my coming through to the other side of nearly two decades of struggling with Idiot. Idiot, at one time, was thought to be my high school sweet heart. But honey, there ain't nothing sweet about this man's heart! Choosing to be 'The Cleaning Lady' really helped me clean house you might say. As 'The Cleaning Lady' I see everything that goes on in a home, in a family, in the lives of those that open their doors to me. I see everything and in turn that opens doors to life lessons I never imagined, and characters, people, I will never forget! From the corporate life desk job, to the mop and bucket to be an 'almost' at home mom, the situations become almost unbelievable. But believe them, they are almost all true :) ----- ----- ----- WANT MORE? Follow MacJanny on Facebook :) https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100010381951356

*****WATTYS 2015 WINNER!***** WATTPAD STAFF PICK (9/7/15) In the end, the robots win. But you already knew that. "Everyone Died + My iPhone Stopped Working" is a collection of short interviews with some of the survivors. People who have tremendous insight into the rise of Artificially Intelligent machines or, more often, don't. Why did the robots rise up? What did they want? Why couldn't they be stopped? Can they be stopped now? Is humanity doomed? And what the f--k is going on with the squirrels? You will get the answers to all of these questions. Or some of these questions. Or none of these questions. We'll see. I will be updating this once a week until I run out of stuff that I find funny. Then I'm done. Cover art courtesy of the hilarious and ridiculously talented Dave Pressler. (http://www.davepresslerart.com)

[sequel to teen helpline] ❝Hello, this is the Breakup Helpline, designed and manufactured to cater to your brokenhearted needs. How may I help you?❞ ❝My girlfriend...just cheated on me. With my best friend.❞ ❝Um..uh, hold on...oh, fuck! There's nothing on how to respond to that in these answer sheets!❞ ___________________________________________________________________ When happy-go-lucky Theo Hastings discovers his best friend has been fucking his girlfriend behind his back for the last six months, Theo's whole life has been careening on the rocks- until his cousin, Damien Carson, forces him to look for help on a helpline- a particular helpline call the 'Breakup Helpline' and there he meets sarcastic, cynical realist Serena Adams, who doesn't believe in love at all. And maybe, just maybe, Theo can change her mind. this is a tale about the hopeless romantic and the skeptical non-believer, the idealistic sentimentalist and the bitter soul, and how fate brings them together.

❝Hello there, this is Teen Confessions Helpline, what's the problem? Feel free to confess anything you like and we'll be there to help you every step of the way!❞ ❝I know this is heavy but I've been feeling like I kind of...want to kill myself.❞ When Damien Carson, a depressed lonely teenager, calls a teen helpline to find one reason not to kill himself, he meets optimistic and bubbly Harry Potter fangirl Eva Adams. And in a series of phone calls, fangirl freakouts, promises, weird slash fanfictions, and bondings over Harry Potter puns, maybe he'll find a reason after all. a story about heartbreak, suicide, depression, love, friendship and two misfits that fits together like torn halves of a love letter.

This is a place for me to leave ideas that I'm never going to use. I thought it would be a nice place for people with writers' block to find inspiration or to just share some ideas. Everyone is welcome to add their own ideas, just open the book to find out how you can share or use ideas.

Every city has its claim to fame and for the city of Cytropolis it's their superheroes. But unlike the cities of Gotham and Central City, this isn't a good thing. Cytropolis is known far and wide as the city with the clumsiest and least influential superheroes ever. But it never mattered that much since the super villains were just as bad. That is, until recently when the villains decided to smarten up and open a super villain academy to train the newest generation (something that never occurred to the heroes). Luckily for them, Matt Miller has arrived. He may seem like an average, normal (even bordering on boring) seventeen-year-old boy, but when are things ever what they seem? He may be apathetic and bitter but he has super powers and he's kind of, well, powerful. He's the heroes only hope against the newest villain in town, Sinister Shadow, and he has no choice but to lend a hand (but he refuses to wear tights while he does it, he draws the line at tights). And with Matt's help (along with his little sister turned sidekick), the heroes just might win. *cover by @soundthealarm*

They were never supposed to fall in love. In fact, they were probably never even supposed to meet. But life does that sometimes; it brings you someone who unexpectedly turns your world upside down. For Ella, it all began on the last day of summer, in a small bakery on the edge of town. With three teenage boys, a plastic knife and a rocketship birthday cake. lol I'm not dead guys