"Some people spend their whole lives looking for someone to live for. Someone that would make them feel alive, make them enjoy life and make them see the light even in the darkest of days. Someone that would rescue them from the dark pit they call their lives. I never wanted to be like that. I wanted to be the hero of my own life. I wanted to be the person who saved me, because I didn't need another half to be whole... Until you showed up at that stupid bathroom and made me start remembering that the world isn't always dark and filled with shadows." Trigger warnings for mentions of self harm, strong language, use of violence, and mentions of drug use.

Dan is different. He's learned to accept that. Well, as best he can anyway, considering he's never really had much of a choice. It's been this way for as long as he can remember, the constant runaround process of trying to feel normal. His life is built around it, trying to trick both himself and everyone he interacts with into seeing him as your average person. The isolation as he desperately tries to keep others from finding out, the bitterness that wells up inside of him each and every time he's reminded that he'll never be like everyone else, the fear that nothing will ever change. He's fated to be this way forever; a misfit from society. Isolation can only go so far though, so when he's struggling to make ends meet and he's faced with the option of looking into a serious job or taking on a roommate, he opts for what seems like the easier option at the time. It doesn't seem so easy ten failed roommates into the process, or when he sits down at a table to meet with prospect number eleven and ends up with a coffee spilled all over his lap. Potential roommate number eleven, Phil, turns out to be an insufferable optimistic ball of sunshine that Dan wants nothing to do with. His options are running out though, as are the savings he's been using to pay his rent, so he finds himself begrudgingly agreeing to let the other man move in. Neither of them have any way of knowing just what they've gotten themselves into as they shake on the matter, but time will tell.

After Dan Howell dies at the tragically young age of 26, he is greeted by death with a book. A book of every lie that anyone had ever told him. This seems like harmless fun but as he nears the end, he realized everything isn't as it seemed in life with his best friend, Phil Lester. Ship: Phan, Kickthesticks Genre: fluff/angst (no smut) Trigger Warnings: male X male, major character death, suicide, self harm, existencial questions, depression, abuse, torture situations, substance abuse and panic attacks. (i want all of you to be safe and happy whilst reading this so if you are triggered by any of these please don't read)

Playing music has always been a big part of Phil's life. From the time he was five, and banging spoons against the table, to present day; seventeen years old and apart of the upcoming Alt. Rock/Everything-In-Between band, Heinous. It's an easy life to live, he's sure. Making music with his best friends, trying to avoid failing high school the best he can, and getting his parents to stay off his back about 'that God-awful noise'. And there's Dan Howell. His sex-on-legs, hot tempered boyfriend, who miraculously shares his love of music. It's like they're meant to be. You know, except they're apart of different bands. Rival bands, to be exact, with every member hating the other, with a vengeance. They know damn well not to publicise their relationship, not with a certain competition coming up that could make or break them; the tension would be off the charts and would do nothing but cause unwanted drama. But you can't keep secrets forever. And with the stress of practice and their band members on their backs, it's getting harder to keep it in the dark.

in a world where your moods are visible above your head, displayed through pictures and icons, it's impossible to hide your true feelings. however dan howell seems to be lacking this. labelled as an emotionless freak, dan is outcasted because his moods are never visible. that is, until an endlessly happy boy named phil wonders why.

i was sinking, and i couldn't swim. {phan au} highest ranking - #10 in danandphil