Ashton is okay right now. He's always like this after a bad bout. He starts off saying that the world is his oyster and he loves everyone, but when the energy and fresh success fades, so does he. Luke knows. He knows about all of Ashton's problems. He knows about the time Ashton was bullied nearly to the brink, the family deaths and friend losses, and the ups and downs, the latter of which seem to be more common lately. It's been so easy lately for Ashton to slip after a joke gone wrong, or a jab on Twitter. Ashton always says he's sorry, repeating it again and again if only to convince himself. Luke knows he's sorry, knows that he can't help it. And he'll sit by the bathtub for hours, holding Ashton, to make sure that he knows someone loves him. None of the other boys know. Ashton couldn't bring himself to tell them and face their disapproving stares too, and he wouldn't let Luke tell them, so he's stuck in this half state of secrecy and confession to Luke. Ashton hasn't gone too far yet, not far enough that Luke can't patch him up with gauze, antibiotics, and a long hug. But someday, someday, Luke knows Ashton won't be able to take it anymore, and Ashton will die. And Luke will be all alone.

"and it's at this exact moment, that i am, finally, genuinely happy."

5 Seconds of Summer & One Direction -crossover- Multiple Ships. warnings: triggering. anorexia, self-harm, depression, bullying, swearing. Disclaimer: I do not own anyone in this story. ~ "Want an oreo?" Who knew one sentence could change someone's life so much?

Luke said he'd be home for Christmas. But it's less than a week until Christmas, and Ashton's starting to wonder if there are some promises even the most faithful of boyfriends can't keep.

"send me a selfie, i miss you."

luke doesn't know how to say the sentences he writes.