Even if she failed at life, at least she knew the perfect peanut butter to banana ratio. --- Awesome sauce cover by @JustCallMePicklez

Before you judge me and my parents, Officer, I hope you'll realize that we were pushed to our limits. Some people are just, well, they're jerks. A domestic comedy of passive-aggression, gardening, birding, and a hot El Camino. Thank you for reading this Wattpad (formerly) Featured Story!

[EXCERPT - FIRST 5 CHAPTERS] THE FULL BOOK IS AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE IN STORES AND ONLINE! Never trust a guy in spandex. In Abby Hamilton's world, superheroes do more than just stop crime and save cats stuck in trees - they also drink milk straight from the carton and hog the television remote. Abby's older brother moonlights as the famous Red Comet, but without powers of her own, following in his footsteps has never crossed her mind. That is, until the city's newest vigilante comes bursting into her life. After saving Abby from an attempted mugging, Morriston's fledgling supervillain Iron Phantom convinces her that he's not as evil as everyone says - and that their city is under a vicious new threat. As Abby follows him deeper into their city's darkest secrets, she comes to learn that heroes can't always be trusted, and sometimes it's the good guys who wear black.

Going down ... way down. Trying to have a transcendental experience, sixteen-year-old Ann is shocked at the sudden appearance of a dirty moleman from the underworld. Through a stirring object lesson involving a half-eaten Ho Ho (and a bit of trickery), the moleman persuades Ann to follow him to an underground fantasy world. Enter the wacky world of Molemania. The stinky metropolitan city Ann discovers, fueled by stolen power and dominated by American television, turns out to be less than fantastic. She longs to see the light of day again, but the slimy Prince Duthbert (who organized Ann’s kidnapping) won’t keep his claws off her. The plot thickens when Duthbert captures the boy Ann loves and threatens to cast him into a pit full of lava. Either Ann must consent to marry Duthbert or take on the powers of the deep. Follow Ann through the crazy twists and turns of the underworld as she teams up with German bodybuilders, a mystical sage, and an old queen who writes techno music. Discover deadly infernos, giant monsters, and the secrets at the bottom of the earth, where not even molepeople have set foot. "Stephen Gashler has written a fun and entertaining book that will provide hours of enjoyment and become a fan favorite.” – Meridian Magazine “Stephen Gashler has excellent comedic timing” – Larisa Hicken, Front Row Reviewers Utah “Stephen Gashler has a gift for capturing the imagination of audiences of all ages” – Rich Thurman, Director, Utah Renaissance Faire “Stephen Gashler’s stories are memorable and abound with energy. The wit in his writing makes you wonder what’s coming next!” – Carla Morris, Children’s Services Manager, Provo Library

Sam is the most promising swordsman among this year’s crop of Paladin trainees...and knows it. Brash, cocky, and unbeatable with a sword (well, almost), Sam is the kingdom of Thule’s best hope against the violence wrought by demons. The only problem is that Sam is really Lady Samantha, daughter of the seventeenth Duke of Haywood, and if her father has his way, she’ll be marrying a Paladin, not becoming one. But Sam has never held much interest in playing damsel-in-distress, and so she rescues herself from a lifetime of boredom and matrimonial drudgery. Pity that Tristan Lyons, the Paladin assigned to train her, is none other than the hero of her childhood. He hasn’t recognized her as Lady Samantha--yet-- but if he does, he’ll take away her sword and send her packing. Sam is not the only trainee hiding secrets: Braeden is a half-demon with a dark past that might be unforgivable. Sam, Braeden and Tristan set out for the western coast, charged with rooting out an infestation of demons that has made the West unlivable. As they travel, they uncover a deep-seated corruption of power that threatens to derail everything they stand for. Rebellion stirs, led by a rival faction of warriors who tempt Sam to join them with an irresistible offer. A war between men is coming, and Sam must pick a side. Will saving the kingdom cost her life -- or just her heart? Reminiscent of Mulan, but with a medieval fantasy twist, Paladin is a tale of adventure, action, and romance.

** Wattpad Featured Story!** A young girl arouses the wrath of an ancient Scottish water spirit who takes her brother's soul in revenge. To save him Brigid must journey through the Shadow realm, begging help and proving herself to each of the totem animal spirits of Britain. Steeped in British mythology and animal lore, The Shadowkeeper is a modern fairy tale written with animation in mind but could also be live action/CGI - lots of CGI! Author's Note: Back in 2005, The Shadowkeeper came heartbreakingly close to being sold to major production companies thanks to good showing in the three screenwriting competitions I submitted to*. A whirlwind trip to Hollywood for an awards night followed by meetings with managers and production companies had my little heart singing (literally one night, at an Etta James concert at the Hollywood Bowl!) Then reality hit. All of the feedback I received was the same: We love it but there's no audience for adventure stories with a female protagonist, change Brigid to a boy and we'll negotiate. Call me stubborn (the two managers offering me representation did) but I didn't think that was a legitimate "note", I thought it was simple sexism and I refused. Since then, The Shadowkeeper has been in the proverbial drawer but I love Brigid, I think she's a badass little eight year old and I've never given up on her. It's now ten years later and the attitude to female protagonists appears to be changing so I'm thinking of submitting The Shadowkeeper again but first I thought I'd pop it up here and see what Wattpadders think. If you like it, I do hope you'll vote and/or comment to let me know whether you'd like to see it on the screen! Happy reading! Darcy. *Competition Results: Finalist, ScriptP.I.M.P. Competition 2005 Quarter finalist, Academy Nicholl Fellowship 2005 Quarter finalist, Page International Screenwriting Competition 2005 All rights reserved. WGAw Registration: 1065086 Cover Design ©NarrativeDisorder

Cara’s mother has disappeared. Her father isn’t talking about it. Her big brother Max is hiding behind his iPod, and her genius little brother Jackson is busy studying the creatures he collects from the beach. But when a watery specter begins to haunt the family’s Cape Cod home, Cara and her brothers realize that their scientist mother may not be who they thought she was—and that the world has much stranger, much older inhabitants than they had imagined. With help from Cara’s best friend Hayley, the three embark on a quest that will lead them from the Cape’s hidden, ancient places to a shipwreck at the bottom of the sea. They’re soon on the front lines of an ancient battle between good and evil, with the terrifying “pouring man” close on their heels. One chapter will be posted Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays until all 10 chapters are up. These will be followed by the second book in the series, The Shimmers in the Night. A Junior Library Guild Pick; Kirkus Reviews Best of 2011; Selected for the ABC Best Books for Children Catalog; Locus Notable Books.

Belief is a powerful magic. Valerie Diaz has a power that she can't contain, and it's killing her. Bounced between foster homes and the streets, she only has time to concentrate on staying alive. But a visit from the imaginary friend of her childhood opens a world of possibilities, including a new life half a universe away on a planet that is bursting with magic. The Society of Imaginary Friends follows Valerie on a journey that straddles two worlds. In order to survive, she must travel many light years away to a realm where anything is possible. On the Globe, imaginary friends come to life, the last of the unicorns rules the realm, and magic seeps from the pores of all the Conjurors who live there. But choosing to embrace her potential will set Valerie on a treacherous course - one filled with true love, adventure and perilous danger.

************************************************************************************** An outcast rogue must break a curse put on his fate, or die on his nineteenth birthday. To survive, he'll need the sword of a maiden, the aid of an immortal, and the power of forbidden magic that could cost him the only girl he ever loved. ************************************************************************************ *** THE JACK OF SOULS won a Silver IPPY this year! *** THE JACK OF SOULS won 1st place in the PNWA Competition in Fantasy! * *** THE JACK OF SOULS won 1st place in the Southwest Writers competition! * *** A "Featured Book" on Wattpad! * *** Now a "Staff Pick" on Kickstarter! * *** Available on Amazon in paper, hardback, and ebook ! * *** My contract with Kindle Select won't allow me to post more than 3 chapters here, but... *** Sign up for my newsletter on stephenmerlino.com for alerts when it's free on Amazon! * MY INSPIRATION I wrote this out of pure love of trickster rogues; I love the wit over brawn motif -- Odysseus over Achilles, Raven over Eagle -- so I like to play with it in my stories. In JOS I set the rogue and con-artist Harric against a foil of warriors in a land threatened by magic and civil war. Whenever possible I turn familiar tropes on their heads: instead of a handsome young Lancelot, I cast a broken-down ex-champion addicted to pain-killing herbs; instead of a dashing Squire Brian, the old knight reluctantly takes an ambitious young woman as squire. Similarly, I re-imagine the standard medieval milieu by infusing aspects of two of my favorite historical periods, Elizabethan England, and The American Frontier. Both eras boast a kind of nationalistic arrogance that borders on hubris, and a magnificent spirit of resourcefulness and re-invention that is fun to play with. SERIES The Jack of Souls is first in a series. I am posting parts of the sequel here now (The Knave of Souls), to help me refine the story.

He lit his cigarette, I lit nothing. He drank alcohol, I drank water. He smirked, I smiled. He didn't love me, I didn't love him. He and I together wouldn't last a day. And then the game started... He said he found me intriguing, unique, and interesting because I didn't swoon over him. "You and me Grey, let's play a game. We'll date and in three months time I promise you will fall for me. When you fall in love with me between that time span, I win. If in any way you were to win I'll give up all the alcohol, cigarettes, and player ways." It was a game I wasn't willing to lose, but all games had accidents and consequences. It takes a broken heart to know how to break a heart.