The Crack-Master General's
9 stories
Her (A Merome T-Shot) by FlamingRavenclaw
FlamingRavenclaw
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I can't keep doing this. I can't lie anymore. I'm so tired. Tired of making up stories. Tired of pretending to smile. Tired of playing a role. Tired of being /her./ Based on the character notes published in the "New Message" chapter of Crack Attack. Events and experiences in this story are based off of my personal experiences and stories I have heard from my trans*-identified friends and from strangers on forums. Nothing can capture everyone's experiences accurately and I am not claiming that I do - one person can't speak for an entire community. Rated AM for Actually Mature. Viewer discretion is heavily advised. Trigger Warnings: Bacca fluff, gender dysphoria, disturbing themes, needles, explicitly graphic and disturbing anatomical and sexual imagery, blood/gore, offensive humor, and possibly an unprecedented level of queer. This list will be updated as the story progresses. Please do not read this book if you are triggered or disturbed by any of the themes listed above.
Job Openings: Philosophy and Prompts by FlamingRavenclaw
FlamingRavenclaw
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This is a collection of nonsense and story ideas that I don't have the time or interest to include in my one-shot collections, but would be interested in reading. Beware of crack and existential crises beyond this point. This list probably won't be updated often because I use the vast majority of my ideas, and everything written here is permanent whether or not somebody claims a prompt. I will mark ideas that somebody uses and I will include the authors' usernames and titles to give them credit; please reciprocate and at least tag me in the published story so I can see where my ideas go and how they turn out.
Are You My Dad? - A Picture Book from Hell by FlamingRavenclaw
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Will Preston the lava mob be able to find his dad? Follow him on his exciting, crack-filled journey in this pitifully constructed picture book. Based very loosely on the book "Are You My Mother?" by P. D. Eastman.
Aim for Me (A Poofless/WoofFrags One-Shot) by FlamingRavenclaw
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'I was afraid to love, wearing a heart that was paper-thin. Thought it'd break with each unhappy ending, so I never let the story begin.' A short story set in the Hunger Games and loosely based on the Approaching Nirvana song "Aim for Me." For now, this is a one-shot even though I have ideas for more chapters. I just don't want to take on too many big projects at one time. If you would like to see more, please like/fav/sub and leave a comment below. Seeing that other people enjoy my writing pushes me to write better and more often. Warnings: violence, graphic imagery, cheesiness, maybe some tears.
Bonus Hearts: Deleted Scenes from "Video Love" by FlamingRavenclaw
FlamingRavenclaw
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This is a collection of bonus footage from my main story "Video Love," a gargantuan Poofless/WoofFrags fic. These clips either disturbed the main plot line of the story, or they simply came about after the fact. I'm not sure how often I will post these because they are just bits and pieces that didn't quite fit. You could read these as one-shots, but they may not make sense out of context. Warnings and trigger warnings will be added at the beginning of any applicable chapters, and an updated list of warnings can be found below. Like always, I do not claim to report the truth, and I am not a professional writer - please do not expect me to be one. Warnings: vulgar language, violence, graphic imagery, mental illness, possibly tears and nightmares.
The Lucky Seven (A NoochZahHutt One-Shot) by FlamingRavenclaw
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Reality isn't what it seems. Watch your step, you might trip. It hurts when you fall. This isn't my usual writing style, but I wanted to give it a try. This is by no means my greatest work - it was just screaming to be written. Very loudly. Trigger Warnings: mental illness.
Video Love (The Poofless Epic) by FlamingRavenclaw
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'I'm not like that. I can't be like that. I can't like him. I don't like him. The Bible says it's wrong. He's my best friend. He'd understand.' Ever wanted to doubt your morality or sanity? This is a good place to start. Severe Trigger Warnings: vulgar language, graphic imagery, depression/mental illness, health problems/illness, self harm, mentions of suicide, unhealthy relationships, disturbing situations, smut/kink, maybe some tears. I will update this list as the story progresses. If it exists elsewhere in this fandom, it will probably be in here. I am writing this story to complete a challenge given to me by my friend, FieryZorua (outlined below). If you hate it, blame her. This thing is longer than a Harry Potter book (over 700 pages and more than 250,000 words) and the chapters might actually crash mobile devices. Challenge Information: Must break your current writing record (120,000 words or 350 pages for me for stories that aren't one-shots); must include as many overused plot lines and character stereotypes as possible (it's a giant parody of everyone else's stories); must be one continuous story line that is easy to follow; all facts were either gathered in a single 20-minute Google search period performed before the story was outlined, or they have to be made up on the spot. Only dialect/spelling/pronunciation/phrases and recent events (post-2016) can be looked up after the research period is over. I speak no truth - only nonsense.
The Fancy Pants Casino by FlamingRavenclaw
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The final part of my 2015 Halloween crack fic challenge, based on PeteZahHutt's famous casino from How to Minecraft. Warning: If you are squeamish or if you have any triggers, please don't read this story. It was written to be disturbing so, naturally, it is disturbing.
Crack Attack: A Collection of One-Shots and Other Disturbing Shit by FlamingRavenclaw
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This book will ruin everything you love. /Everything./ Content and themes are explicit and disturbing; I'm not going to lie. Please don't read anything in this book if you are triggered by: explicit or implied violence, explicit or implied sexual scenes and/or kink, scenes containing depictions or mentions of homicide/suicide/self-harm/abuse, and/or disturbing situations. Enter at your own risk. A compilation of stories that aren't good enough to stand alone but still needed to be written. If you have any triggers or expectations or hopes for this book, please don't open it.