Sick of cliché Wattpad books? Then this isn't the book for you. We take every single over-used plot, character and trope on Wattpad - from player-meets-nerd to my-boyfriend-is-a-vampire - and mash it all into one, awful, hilarious parody. NOTE: This is a parody. Characters have not been created to mock a race/nationality/sexuality, they have been created to lightly poke fun at the way certain teen fiction writers reduce them into crude stereotypes. Thanks for helping this pile of junk get to #1 in Humor!

Serena Davidson leads two lives. At school, she's a morbidly obese, stupid, nerdy, bitchy, slutty, and a teacher's pet. But at home she's the scrawny vegetarian pushover. What would possess someone to wear a fat suit every day? And what happens when someone finds out?

Harlow Frost isn't what you would call a normal teenage girl. Sure she's angsty, and blunt to a fault. But that just comes with being the daughter of a former gang leader and sister of a current one. Seductive when she needs to be Harlow knows just how to make a man fall to his knees. Conveniently she also knows how to put a bullet in his head without getting blood on her shoes. But what happens when her gang, her own brother, betrays her for their own benefit, leaving her to their long time rivals?... A very bad girl gets a hell of a lot worse. ~~ "What the fuck did you just say to me?" "I said I wasn't surprised by your blatant teenage rebellion considering where you come from." I squinted up at the bastard. Vodka loving mother russia fucking bitch..."Yeah? Well at least I didn't name my gang after a line in Humpty-fucking-Dumpty." His eyes narrowed at me. Grinning dangerously I leaned a bit closer to Dimitri, "And all The Kings Men couldn't put the Russians balls back together again."

When Gracie Granger was born the doctor who delivered her died of sudden heart failure. On her sixth birthday her uncle hung himself in her closet. Three months later her aunt drove off a cliff after dropping her off. On her 13th birthday her best friends family was murdered four hours after she left. After Which Gracie's parents moved them away allowed her to be hime schooled. "My name is Grace and People around me have this terrible habit of dying."

"They say that before you an I had ever existed there was a kingdom and within its borders a world of magic." "And what happened to this kingdom Mama?" The older woman hummed softly, braiding the childs hair with gentle fingers, "The kings and queens of the surrounding realms saw danger in this kingdoms residents, for you see, it was the only land where magic resided. Together the waged a war against the potential threat to protect their subjects. The war was long. But eventually the kingdom of magic was purged." The little girl peered up at her mother, wide eyed, "but what of the men and ladies who use magic today?" "There were few that were spared in that war. the magic users we see today are their decedents. They side with kingdoms as they see fit and aid us." She peered at her reflection in awe, "All of them?" At this her mother gave pause, "...no, not all. There is one who claims no alliance. She is an ally to no kingdom." The child wrinkled her nose in confusion, "so she helps everyone?" "No..this sorceress is not kind like the few you have met through your father. She wishes for nothing more than destruction." "why?" "No one knows my dear child. Nor do we wish to cross paths with her even if it means to discover why." "But..wouldn't it help to ask her?" "It is not that simple dear. one day you will understand." The child hummed a bit, "okay." The room plunged into silence. "Hey mama?" "Yes dear?" "What is that ladies name?" The mother shook her head slightly, "No one knows, not really. She is shrouded in darkness, her identity a mystery besides the rumors that float around her. But they call her Sin." The little girl cocked her head to the side, "and what did Sin do with her magic if she didn't help people with her power?" At this the mother blanched, "She became the greatest assassin that ever lived."

"I do not know what to tell you Mrs King. I have done as you asked. It is not my fault you dislike the results of your own decisions." The woman before me blinked rapidly, "My decisions? No I never decided any of this!" "...But you asked. What is known cannot be forgotten. It was your decision to peruse that lead to your pain." Abruptly she stood, her perfectly manicured fingers drumming on the tile counter, "no Delilah. I come to you because I need advice to give my husband to better our future. I pay you for that and that alone!" I sighed, "you do not. I am not here to tell you what you desire. I tell you what I see. I tell you what simply is and what will be." She started to pace, like some trapped animal. "I don't understand! because I found you we were saved from bankruptcy, you have never lead me astray and you have never told me something so terrible!" "Nothing so...terrible has shown itself to me before that concerns you." She shook her head, "tell me how to fix it!" "you cannot." "Now Delilah!" "You cannot. The boy will die." ~~ Delilah is a quiet girl, a seer who works for a wealthy woman by the name of Mrs. King. And then she tells her what no mother wants to hear. When the future isn't what Delilah is supposed to say. her life changes in a way not even she saw coming.

Earth, meet Zee. Zee meet Earth. When an alien girl crashes right into the back yard of a human man, the world was set to change as they knew it...sort of..kind of.. okay no not really, every orange alien crashing onto earth does that. But Keiran Jay, a computer hacker known as 'Jay Bird', his world on the other hand. is never going to be the same again. Not when he has a very hands on X'sonian warrior following him around and drinking all his beer. ~~ "...What the fuck is this?" The weird ass orange chick froze half of the beer bottle stuffed into her mouth, "mmmmm!" I blinked. "Are you seriously drinking my beer?!" She pulled the bottle from her lips and flipped up from the ground, grinning ear to ear, "Zee!" I stared blankly at it. "Alright whatever, you cannot drink my beer, that my beer. as in I bought it. I need it to get drunk, you do not need it to practice perfecting the blow job." She blinked at me with her bright green eyes, head cocking to the side. Then she reached into my fridge, pulled out another one of my beers and popped the cap with her fang, letting out a tiny giggle before downing the whole thing in one go. I glared at her, "Okay thats it, i'm shoving you in a crate and shipping your ass to area fifty-one." She hissed at me. She fucking hissed at me.

Toltarra has been strewn in war for nearly 300 years, the four major clans governing the mass of land at a constant battle for domination over all else. There are many rumors to as how the great war started. The Thyssen family of Windsor blame the formation of the Scar of Toltarra for the wars start. The Kaepernick's of Zinnann blame the Volco savages who emerged after the scar was formed. The Caplondon family of Caplond heaves the blame upon the Adalwolf's of Carden. And the Adalwolf's? The Adalwolf's have a legend that has been passed down since the great wars beginnings, they say that a woman warned the clans of a great explosion in the middle mountain that would scar Toltarra permanently and plunge the clans into blood and darkness. She was the women who claimed giants tunneled beneath the ground and feathers were messages carried on the backs of birds from the clouds. They called her The Mad Witch and after she disappeared ash rained through the air and Tolterras ground was scarred. When The Mad Witch disappeared, the clans were plunged into blood and darkness.

Poppy Poole was moving to a new town, to start over with her mother, little sister, and twin brother, to start over. Again. It was the fifth time this year. But as always poppy chose to stay optimistic, maybe this new town would be the last where they could finally settle. Her mother would quit drinking and they would go back to life before her father died. She would meet friends that would last a life time and love her instantly. But of course...none of that happened. Her brother is giving it a month and hasn't even bothered to unpack. Her mother still loves whiskey. And she has absolutely no friends. ...until she met Jay Hes wild. rude. and A stereotyped bad boy she would read about in cheesy teen romance novels come to life. With one teeny tiny twist. He's gay. And being the only one who know's his secret she finds herself in a mildly odd predicament. She's the first girl in school that he's had as a platonic friend. or so the rumors say. And he's not keen on letting the one person who knows who he really is go. Poppy may not have a perfect home life or a girl group worthy of movies like Mean Girls and Clueless. But she does have someone willing to watch 16 candles and Star Wars with her, someone who understands that Obi-Wan Kenobi is the dreamiest man to ever walk the galaxy. Jay Mills, her very new, Gay best friend. .....or so she thought. ~~ A/N full blurb inside~