Funny short stories guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. Sources: stuff I've heard from friend, family, readers, and other folk who thought they'd spread some joy and laughter.

"They say that before you an I had ever existed there was a kingdom and within its borders a world of magic." "And what happened to this kingdom Mama?" The older woman hummed softly, braiding the childs hair with gentle fingers, "The kings and queens of the surrounding realms saw danger in this kingdoms residents, for you see, it was the only land where magic resided. Together the waged a war against the potential threat to protect their subjects. The war was long. But eventually the kingdom of magic was purged." The little girl peered up at her mother, wide eyed, "but what of the men and ladies who use magic today?" "There were few that were spared in that war. the magic users we see today are their decedents. They side with kingdoms as they see fit and aid us." She peered at her reflection in awe, "All of them?" At this her mother gave pause, "...no, not all. There is one who claims no alliance. She is an ally to no kingdom." The child wrinkled her nose in confusion, "so she helps everyone?" "No..this sorceress is not kind like the few you have met through your father. She wishes for nothing more than destruction." "why?" "No one knows my dear child. Nor do we wish to cross paths with her even if it means to discover why." "But..wouldn't it help to ask her?" "It is not that simple dear. one day you will understand." The child hummed a bit, "okay." The room plunged into silence. "Hey mama?" "Yes dear?" "What is that ladies name?" The mother shook her head slightly, "No one knows, not really. She is shrouded in darkness, her identity a mystery besides the rumors that float around her. But they call her Sin." The little girl cocked her head to the side, "and what did Sin do with her magic if she didn't help people with her power?" At this the mother blanched, "She became the greatest assassin that ever lived."

The bell to my grandfathers old shop rang and I looked up from my magazine, "Welcome to Sugar Suga- whoa what happened to your face?" A dark haired man in worn black jeans spat on my perfectly polished cotton candy floor. "shut up and let me use the back room." I shrugged, staring at the light purple tile he spat on, "Kay but was there really a need to spit on my floor? this is a candy shop you know. Cant have bloody spit in the chocolate." If looks could kill I would be melted into a rainbow puddle. He jumped behind the counter and stormed into the back room, "tell anyone here and I'll fucking kill you." I snorted, "what are you going to do gag me with your lolly pop?" He froze in the doorway for a moment before slamming the door behind him. What a fun guy. I looked up at the bell ringing again, "Hello! welcome to Sugar-Sugar my names Lola and I'll be happy to make any non sexual sweet dreams come true!" I love when there are no kids in the store and I can ad-lib the greeting A group of crude looking men stared at me for a long moment, "have you seen a beaten up pretty boy around here?" I pointed out the door, "pretty sure I saw him pass by, why?" They left without answering my question and I shrugged, going back to my magazine, "Yo! pretty boy back there buy some candy will you? its the least you can do after I kept you from getting shot in the face!" ~~ After Lola Fayes grandfather died he left her his beloved candy shop. Doing the rational thing she dropped out of high school to work full time at her favorite childhood place where she was practically raised. So when a mysterious man storms in one day and demands she lets him use the shop as a safe haven as her grandfather had her life is turned upside down in a strange way she never even dreamed she would have to deal with. ~~ A/N just so you know this book contains magic and sex....heh magic sex XD read at own risk!

Russian heiress Tatiana Rostova thought that her 'happily ever after' would be with her beloved fiance. However, the people she cared about most betrayed her and left her dying. Saved by a handsome Italian duke, a plan of revenge blooms. ******* Tatiana Rostova took upon herself to seek revenge on the two people she loved the most after their betrayal left her half-dead, even if it meant she had to sell herself to the devil-especially since the devil is in the form of the handsome six-foot-two, silver-eyed Italian duke named Lucca Cavelli. This wallflower vowed to take everything that is rightfully hers. But in the process of her revenge, will she be willing to risk her heart again? Cover designed by Ren Tachibana

"Mooooorrrrrrrreeeeeeee, this book is like air, i need it!" @noromance101 "These chapters are written BEAUTIFULLY! You are, without a doubt, my favorite writer on this site. " @nagykt "Reading this feeds my soul." @Yrthraethra Sixteen-year-old Mirra can see people's memories. She is a Shadow Weaver, one of the outlawed, glitter-eyed race feared in her land and forced into brutal slavery as children. She and her brother Kel have escaped their fate by hiding near the frozen mountains. But when bounty hunters snatch Kel, Mirra injured and unable to track long distances will lose him unless she gives herself up to his captors. As as a Shadow Weaver who's survived childhood and whose golden-flecked irises have faded, concealing her talent, Mirra's own value is priceless on the black-market. Taken to a lawless town in the northern territories, Mirra convinces her captors to sell her to a mysterious young man destined for the same province as the officer who has bought her brother. The young man is the Kingdom's missing Prince, feared dead after his escort was attacked on an expedition. He has been in hiding, waiting for a Shadow Weaver whose skill he can use to discover who ordered his assassination. But before he will risk breaking his father's law and taking Mirra to the royal court, he must test her talent and her ability to hide it. If Mirra fails, her hopes of seeing her brother again will be cut by the noose around her neck. HIGHEST RANKING #1 in Fantasy on Wattpad. #1 Amazon Sword & Sorcery This book was taken down in DEC 2017 due to publishing restrictions. It is now possible to put it back up on wattpad. From March onwards 2 chapters will be posted per week until the completed book is available.

After discovering who and what she is, Parker's life has been irrevocably changed. As her new found abilities grow stronger and even more dangerous, she desperately searches for her missing friend Lara. Someone – or something – is taking people from Westershade, only to have their mutilated bodies turn up days later. If she doesn't find Lara soon she may join the growing list of the dead. Parker thought she had survived the hardest things she'd ever have to face. But darkness lurks everywhere and the worst is yet to come. COMING 2015 Cover made by @saddened

*mature for lang and possible (probable) 'adult' content heh.* I was about to scream for help when a strange sort of smoke seeped from druggies mouth and entwined itself around tall and dark's hand, running up his arm and illuminating the sharp planes of his face, feeding into his slightly parted lips. I gasped, stumbling back from the scene. His eyes shot up to me, their silvery glow locking me in place as our gazes caught. The druggies body feel between us and the man's eyes seemed to illuminate further before everything was plunged into darkness I was petrified, paralyzed in place, a cool indifferent voice broke the silence. a whisper dangerously close to my ear, "sometimes they are unwanted by heaven or hell. Sometimes they have no where to go, no purpose but to feed those who need it." A scream tore from my throat as I felt a cool hand grasp my wrist and my heart beat rapidly dropping, warm breath against my ear. I was dying. Actually dying. ~Jinx Clemens was not the best daughter, not the best sister, and not the best student. She was just living through her life and causing as much chaos she saw fit, never even bothering trying to hide the trouble she got into. Bored by things easily and easy with her words she always managed to slip past the worst situations...until something new came knocking, something dangerous. something that would flip her world around and throw it to the wolves. Jinx can escape trouble with her faux charm but there wasn't a single soul would could avoid that pesky monster we call death?

Gizmo, owner of her own shop Curiosities and Oddities, was everything and anything one wold expect of a woman of her time. Independant. Smart. A soon to be spinster. Bitter. Inventor. Mad scientist. Harlot. or so the rumors go. ~~ "Miss Gizmo!" I peered up from the latest addition to my shop, the two headed swine was an interesting find but oddly hard to sell, "Hello Mr Earnheart how's the leg?" The older man grinned broadly at me, "don't tell my wife dear girl but you are an angel sent from the lord himself." That I doubted severely. "not a single problem thanks to you, you really must stop by for dinner as a thanks sometime." I sighed, "ah but your ninny wife would be terribly convinced we were committing sin with one another." He laughed, despite the fact I had just called his wife a ninny, waving me off. "bollocks, you deserve a good home cooked meal and some company now and again." Did I now? "I see." "Yes, and my nephew is here in London for the time being, I am sure he would be delighted to meet you." Another old man trying to marry me into the family? I shook my head, "I assure you I am fine without such attentions Mr. Earnheart." He shook his head, "your seventeen now, two more years and you will start earning the title of spinster. I married my wife when she was fourteen." Marriage again, why does everyone insist upon talking marriage, its such a dreadfully boring topic, "I'm afraid I'm married to my work, unfortunately a woman cannot have two loves and thus one would end in divorce. I can honestly say my shop will not be my divorcée." He looked disappointed but knew me well enough to drop the subject, "oh and miss Gizmo?" "hmmm?" "My wife say's there is a rumor of man poking around the back alleys of London, shady one at that. Be careful when walking home?" I pulled my pistol from its hidden place amongst my clothes, "I'm one you need to worry about, I assure you."

When Vega Moore was 13 her mother was murdered by a crime lord with a grudge against her father. After the tragedy the two moved from the town of Parkville Florida to Detroit Michigan. Her father needed a break from work and she needed therapy, so he went back to being a street cop and she took up kickboxing and the help she knew she needed. Four years later and their back. Back to their town, her father back to his job, and Vega back to the high school she would have been in if it wasn't for the move. But what happens when the girl who the whole town knew..wasn't what they remembered? What happens when the girl who used to catch butterflies and pick flowers with her mother turns up as a dark haired danger with a sense of justice she can take just a bit too far? When she walks with gait befitting a predator more than a girl? When she takes being good to borderline deadly? And then what happens when she collides with the son of the man she credits for destroying her life? Trouble.