first you inspect me, then you dissect me then you reject me. i wait for the day that you'll resurrect me.

"New Kik Message!" Amazingphil: hello human bean Danisnotonfire: go away I suck at summaries but give this story a try {other celebrities mentioned} ****TRIGGER WARNING****

Dan Howell was the typical spoiled, rich boy with butlers driving him to operas and maids making him nachos for breakfast. Phil Lester, however, was the opposite. Barely any money and deadbeat parents, he lives in a bad neighborhood in a gross apartment with cat hair covering the carpet and an odd roommate. And then Dan's parents decide he needs to love someone rather than himself, and when Phil shows up at his mansion steps, Dan's parents grow fond of him- so much that the two are exchanging rings and Phil is moving in with his new spouse. They tell Dan he should give it a few months, to be patient, and if he still doesn't like him then they'll sign the divorce papers and call it quits. Marriage isn't perfect, right? Well this one is the exact example. But they could always pretend.

how far can you take a hook up? copyright © 2016

"tired blue boy walks my way, holding a girl's hand, that basic bitch leaves finally, now i can steal her man" - trigger warnings: depression, physical and emotional abuse, excessive drinking, and suicidal thoughts other warnings: possible smut - based on melanie martinez's pacify her, all rights to her.

It's the time where Prince Philip needs to find a princess to share the thrown with. Except he isn't interested in any of the princesses. Over time he becomes more interested in a sassy servant instead.

dan is the best man at phil's wedding ; copyright © 2016

[complete] what happens at camp, stays at camp ; copyright © 2016

SEQUEL TO ALIVE Phil's life is in shambles. A third year university student, he lives a less-than-extraordinary life: ignoring calls from his ex-best-friend, working in a local shop, and sleeping around to forget the one thing always on his mind: Dan Howell. TW: language, sexual content, drug mentions ENTIRELY WRITTEN FROM PHIL'S POV

plantguylester: aye. it's me 'amazingphil' from tumblr. how's it going? read at 7:20 p.m. *lowercase intended* •Trigger Warning• [COMPLETED ON AUGUST 10, 2016]