Growing up in white-bread Omaha, Nebraska, Rachel Shukert was one of thirty-seven students (circa 1990) in Nebraska’s only Jewish elementary school. She spent her days dreaming of a fantasy Aryan boyfriend named Chris McPresbyterian, a tall blond god whose family spoke softly in public and did not inquire after his bowel movements. She spent her nights frantically plastering her bedroom with pictures of intimidating co-religionists such as Henry Kissinger and Bette Midler, hoping to repel the Gestapo officers she was certain were lurking behind the drywall. Even back then, Rachel knew she was destined for greatness. After winning the Omaha Metropolitan Area Theater Arts Guild Award for Best Youth Actress–and imagining herself as the biggest talent to come out of Nebraska since Montgomery Clift–Rachel finally arrives in Manhattan. Intent on making her mark in the glittering world of Show Biz, she isthwarted at every turn by episodes of anorexia, verbally abusive sock puppets, and a certain terrorist attack you may have heard of. She nevertheless soldiers on, as her people have done from time immemorial. In this hilarious, mordant, and moving memoir, Rachel Shukert tackles topics as diverse and weighty as life, death, love, Jewish paranoia, and errant feminine hygiene products with a fresh and irresistible mixture of humor, brains, and candor, proving that having no shame can sometimes be a very good thing indeed.

The Jedi Order is lost. The Sith Renaissance is underway. And Louis Tomlinson is a broken Jedi. Now he must fight against destiny, the rules of his Order, his past and the things he can't change to save himself, and the galaxy. Can he lead a fractured resistance into battle against an unstoppable opponent? Will his friends be enough? Or will The Force lead him to something, or somebody, once lost, that could change everything. COMING SOON. Larry Fic. Star Wars AU.

*****WATTYS 2015 WINNER!***** WATTPAD STAFF PICK (9/7/15) In the end, the robots win. But you already knew that. "Everyone Died + My iPhone Stopped Working" is a collection of short interviews with some of the survivors. People who have tremendous insight into the rise of Artificially Intelligent machines or, more often, don't. Why did the robots rise up? What did they want? Why couldn't they be stopped? Can they be stopped now? Is humanity doomed? And what the f--k is going on with the squirrels? You will get the answers to all of these questions. Or some of these questions. Or none of these questions. We'll see. I will be updating this once a week until I run out of stuff that I find funny. Then I'm done. Cover art courtesy of the hilarious and ridiculously talented Dave Pressler. (http://www.davepresslerart.com)

Princess Aren is determined to make the human who killed her mother and exiled her people to the bottom of the ocean pay. To do so, she must go to extremes of pain and heartache in her search for justice. Aren, however, is no sweet, happy mermaid. To kill is to ignite a fire of passion in her heart which only the savage letting of blood can satiate. She will go to any lengths to find the man responsible, including cutting off her own tail and sewing, in its place, a pair of human legs - legs she tore from one of the many humans she had murdered. With the unwilling help of the sea witch, Princess Aren must go ashore and hunt for her mother's killer. But, in doing so, the worlds above and below the ocean will clash in ways neither thought possible! And the Meek Shall Walk - a 'beautiful' and 'savage' retelling of a classic story!

There's nothing Verona Wicklow wants more than to sail the Seven Seas, exploring faraway lands and going on incredible adventures. But the Merry Mariner is a windmill-ship - what happens when it's stuck in the middle of the vast High Sea with no wind? Verona vs. the Doldrums is a short story in the Merry Mariner series of adventure/fantasy stories for all ages, written & illustrated by M. Ray Rempen. To read more stories, and for maps, artwork, behind-the-scenes curiosities and other marvels, visit www.themerrymariner.com!

Season 1 of Confessions of a Fake Psychic Detective * Her psychic powers are fake, but the kidnapped girl she must find is real. * Zandra is an infamous "psychic" who grifts the gullible residents of her small Wisconsin town using her wits, not anything supernatural. Her skills are put to the ultimate test when the police tap her to help find a kidnapped girl. But there's a catch. The girl's father apparently got away with murdering Zandra's husband years ago. Can Zandra put aside her grudge for the sake of a missing child? Or is this the perfect opportunity for revenge? Also available on YONDER, the next-generation reading app from the Wattpad family. Prequel to the 2016 Wattys winner, "Black Eye" (Featured by @TheGirlOnTheTrain)

Wattpad Featured Story. For Darcy and Milo the world is always different. Life changes in a blink. Nothing is ever the same. Except for them. They don't know why. They always forget. But now it's time to remember... Again.