|| Philophobia. Its name comes from two Greek roots, "philo" meaning love and "phobia" meaning fear of. The fear of love. || "I think i was 9 or 10. And i would watch from the stairs and-and the concept of getting close to anyone...it petrifies me." "Why?" "Because I never want to be vulnerable." His voice became colder. "I never want to be taken advantage of." "Who says everyone will?" The man retaliated. "I like my own tent. I don't want people to come inside and mess everything up." "But what if someone climbed into your tent and cleaned it up for you?" He asked again." xx

[COMPLETE] Dan always knew he wasn't straight but he couldn't admit it to himself.. That changes when he goes to a boarding school and gets to know this guy called Phil. Triggers: a lot of fluff (and smut in some chapters), boyxboy - Phan. (also my first fanfic ever<3 please go easy on me, this wasn't edit and I can't read it again without cringing)

Phil had never been one to dwell on the bigger picture, he was the type content to saturate in the moment. He'd never really understood the way his best friend would get so hung up on finding purpose, not when he'd come to terms with the idea that life was what you made of it so early on. He considered himself a firm believer in the idea of karma, that putting good out into the world would bring you nothing but the same back. That's why he was always so careful to keep positive, to keep a smile on his face through it all. That's also why it shattered him so when the world handed him back a nightmare in exchange for his dreams. You would think, with how long they've known each other, by now Pj would have grown accustomed to loss and the crippling grief that comes along with it. He has trouble accepting it, that it's a permanent thing and no amount of reminiscing will give him the opportunity to make new memories again. That's why he reasoned with himself that becoming a medical student was a good idea, that someday he would be there for someone in a way that no one else had been there for him. He wanted to save people. And, unbeknownst to Pj, there was someone out there equally as determined to save him. Felix had always envied the simplicity that came with gaming. The guided path from start to finish, the reassurance along the way that you were doing the right thing, and if all else failed he'd always had manuals to fall back on. Real life wasn't like that, it wasn't as simple as keeping your team alive until you crossed over into the credits. Choosing between what he's always known and what his heart tells him to do won't be easy, but thankfully he's not in it alone. With zombies on their tail and feelings they don't yet want to face ahead of them, this gang of unlikely heroes are about to realize that things aren't always what they seem.

Dan is different. He's learned to accept that. Well, as best he can anyway, considering he's never really had much of a choice. It's been this way for as long as he can remember, the constant runaround process of trying to feel normal. His life is built around it, trying to trick both himself and everyone he interacts with into seeing him as your average person. The isolation as he desperately tries to keep others from finding out, the bitterness that wells up inside of him each and every time he's reminded that he'll never be like everyone else, the fear that nothing will ever change. He's fated to be this way forever; a misfit from society. Isolation can only go so far though, so when he's struggling to make ends meet and he's faced with the option of looking into a serious job or taking on a roommate, he opts for what seems like the easier option at the time. It doesn't seem so easy ten failed roommates into the process, or when he sits down at a table to meet with prospect number eleven and ends up with a coffee spilled all over his lap. Potential roommate number eleven, Phil, turns out to be an insufferable optimistic ball of sunshine that Dan wants nothing to do with. His options are running out though, as are the savings he's been using to pay his rent, so he finds himself begrudgingly agreeing to let the other man move in. Neither of them have any way of knowing just what they've gotten themselves into as they shake on the matter, but time will tell.

Dan Howell is a timid boy, who always does as he is told. He was once friends with Phil Lester, the 'bad influence' who soon ditches Dan for the popular group in Year 7. After five years of not talking to each other, they're partnered in a project and Phil's wants to win Dan over just like he has with most of their year. But yet, Dan is determined to find out what Phil is hiding behind his arrogant mask.

in a world where your moods are visible above your head, displayed through pictures and icons, it's impossible to hide your true feelings. however dan howell seems to be lacking this. labelled as an emotionless freak, dan is outcasted because his moods are never visible. that is, until an endlessly happy boy named phil wonders why.

" my name's blurry face and I care what you think. " Dan Howell has an unknown condition where he cannot see faces - no matter what he wears or does - they are always a blur. The doctors nicknamed it 'blurry face', and there's absolutely nothing they can do about it; Dan will have to live without faces. That is, until he meets Phil Lester - the 'bad boy' of Dan's new school - who's face is strangely visible to Dan; much to Dan's wonder and Phil's distaste.

Phil is an orphan, bullied, and living alone with no friends in a home. He does his best not to let that fact that no one seems to care about him get to him, but it's getting harder. Then a nice couple start to take interest in him, and it turns out they have a son his age, Daniel, but the love they begin to share isn't of a brotherly nature...

Phil Lester is sweet and cute; known for his kindness and enthusiasm. Dan Howell is a tough, cold outsider; known as the school's stereotypical 'bad boy'. But if he's so bad, then why on earth did he rescue Phil Lester and give him a smile which would melt anyone's heart?

Part 1 of the infamous series. Feelings appear. Sparks fly. Love rises. Problems occur. Please note: This story is now very old (7 years old in 2020) and I'd like to think my writing has improved since then! There are a bunch of cringey parts and bad writing in here, but enjoy and thanks for reading! :)