WARNING! Please be advised that this is not a bedtime story about sparkly fairies and pink unicorns. This book may contain graphic descriptions of poisoned apples and witches' ovens. It is not appropriate for supernatural beings under the age of 377 (excluding vampires and werewolves). DISCLAIMER: Wicked Witches Inc. and Evil Stepmother Enterprises are not responsible for any maiming, mass murder or permanent insanity resulting from the reading of this book.

I'm pretty extraordinary (read: absolutely normal) for an average guy named Patrick- Patrick Kraker, and before you ask, no, I do not want a cracker; neither does Polly. Polly's sick of crackers. a) My summer job may or may not involve spray painting myself completely silver and standing motionless in the park. Of course not. b) I also may or may not be investigating and communicating with a homeless guy who is (possibly): one, not actually homeless and two, part of a cult of (probably) bloodthirsty satanic worshippers. *** Copyright © 2015 by unfurled All rights reserved #34 Humour Featured as of 28/04/16

**2016 WATTYS WINNER FOR VISUAL STORYTELLING** Letting her appearance fall to the wayside and desperate to find a reason for her life, Marilyn sits half naked in an Urgent Care examination room with a mysterious skin itch. If she can survive the humiliation of being treated by a sexy male nurse while unraveling the hidden drama woven throughout the hospital staff, Marilyn might leave the hospital cured far below the surface of her skin. NURSE McSEXY is a hilariously enhanced true story (with a healthy dose of fiction) about my mortifying experience involving an allergic reaction, Urgent Care and a sexy male nurse. It was an evening in which one of my greatest fears was encountered--only to reveal my better self on the other side of humiliation. This humorous tale is definitely worth calling in sick for! TO CLARIFY: Despite the title, this is not a tale about a hot and sweaty romance. I mean--I wish it was since it's based on a true story. Unfortunately (depending on how you look at it), my life is a lot more on the belly laughing side of the spectrum than the steaming up mirrors side. Just saying.

**A FEATURED STORY ON WATTPAD** Her New Year's Eve was supposed to be a depressing evening alone with a bowl of salsa and a plate of microwaved nachos, but a powerful force had different plans for the unconventional princess. If you like sweet romances and hilarious tales of personal growth & self-discovery, then your soul will devour NACHOS. Weighing in at just under 10,000 words, this novelette will have single & married ladies alike laughing one minute and pondering their own lives the next. It's a story that highlights the magic that exists in our everyday lives and offers hope to those who are struggling to find their Happily Ever After. One bite of NACHOS, and your perception of the world will never be the same--life will become magical. No Fairy Godmother required. To add even more fun to your reading experience, NACHOS has Easter eggs woven throughout the entire story. Sharp (and not so sharp) eyes will recognize references from: *Cinderella *Pinocchio *Wizard of Oz *Mary Poppins *Beauty and the Beast *Snow White *Harry Potter *The Gingerbread Man *Goonies *The Neverending Story *Three Blind Mice *and more! It's like the Where's Waldo of bedtime stories! Marilyn A Hepburn www.MarilynHepburn.com (Note: COVER IMAGE - Rachel Macknight in Interview Magazine November 2015 by Dominick Sheldon)

A collection of true, amusing stories from the past.

[EXCERPT - FIRST 5 CHAPTERS] THE FULL BOOK IS AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE IN STORES AND ONLINE! Never trust a guy in spandex. In Abby Hamilton's world, superheroes do more than just stop crime and save cats stuck in trees - they also drink milk straight from the carton and hog the television remote. Abby's older brother moonlights as the famous Red Comet, but without powers of her own, following in his footsteps has never crossed her mind. That is, until the city's newest vigilante comes bursting into her life. After saving Abby from an attempted mugging, Morriston's fledgling supervillain Iron Phantom convinces her that he's not as evil as everyone says - and that their city is under a vicious new threat. As Abby follows him deeper into their city's darkest secrets, she comes to learn that heroes can't always be trusted, and sometimes it's the good guys who wear black.

The official-unofficial sequel to THE SUPERVILLAIN AND ME! (SPOILERS inside for those who haven't read the first book! The first 5 chapters of book 1 can be found on my profile, as well as links to order a finished copy from any of your favorite retailers!)

A short collection of very shortish short stories ;-)

Just a couple of things that I found just kept getting repeated throughout loads of stories. This isn't aimed at anybody in particular, just meant to be funny.

My awkward rants about the cliche books on Wattpad. (The title kind of says it all, but I don't like seeing a blank Description box) I hope you enjoy my apparent ability to make people laugh. Warning: these are my spur-of-the-moment thoughts. Some stuff may or may not come across as being extremely critical or harsh, but I assure you, I'm NOT trying to tell you to do a complete 180 and delete everything cliche in your books. These are merely my thoughts, not a "How to Be a Perfect Writer" guide. Okee dokee? :) Highest rank: Humor #80, Rant #1 !!!!