INFIRES！(❀◦‿◦)

*****WATTYS 2015 WINNER!***** WATTPAD STAFF PICK (9/7/15) In the end, the robots win. But you already knew that. "Everyone Died + My iPhone Stopped Working" is a collection of short interviews with some of the survivors. People who have tremendous insight into the rise of Artificially Intelligent machines or, more often, don't. Why did the robots rise up? What did they want? Why couldn't they be stopped? Can they be stopped now? Is humanity doomed? And what the f--k is going on with the squirrels? You will get the answers to all of these questions. Or some of these questions. Or none of these questions. We'll see. I will be updating this once a week until I run out of stuff that I find funny. Then I'm done. Cover art courtesy of the hilarious and ridiculously talented Dave Pressler. (http://www.davepresslerart.com)

My daughter, as smart as she is, sometimes says the craziest things. This is a collection of actual quotes that came directly from her. You can't make this stuff up. I blame it on her hair.

The family burns basics. Trashes tropes. Their daughter isn't out for blood. She's out for the person who started the cliche that ended her. ✯ ✯ ✯ "Even though I dip your toothbrush in the toilet bowl, excessively steal your clothes, purposefully annoy the hell out of you, and wish at every 11:11 that you'd be in a body bag the next morning - you're still my sister. And we will always have one another's back." ✯ ✯ ✯ "You're a cute banana." "Excuse me?" "Yellow on the outside, white on the inside." He read my silence as confusion and added, "Your little brother there is an Oreo; black on the outside, white on the inside. Your pretty sister over there is a coconut; brown on the outside, white on-" "What the shit. That's how you want to hit on me?" +++ Wendzel Baxtard, a feminist killjoy armed with heavy loads of sarcasm and marinates herself in self-respect, is ready to destroy the ethnic slurs and derogatory terms that were brought on her because of the clothes she wore and her sexual behaviors.

I like to complain, a lot. So much, in fact, that if I got a euro for every time I ranted about something, I'd have enough money to go on a cruise, at least twice a year. Salty is my middle name, so if your food is ever lacking that sodium chloride, just check out my rants. You might get a heart attack, but that's not my problem. Feel free to PM me with any topics you think I should rant about. Oh, and don't forget to bring those unseasoned fries. Cover by: @solitaric Banners by: @TheBlueDJ

Sick of cliché Wattpad books? Then this isn't the book for you. We take every single over-used plot, character and trope on Wattpad - from player-meets-nerd to my-boyfriend-is-a-vampire - and mash it all into one, awful, hilarious parody. NOTE: This is a parody. Characters have not been created to mock a race/nationality/sexuality, they have been created to lightly poke fun at the way certain teen fiction writers reduce them into crude stereotypes. Thanks for helping this pile of junk get to #1 in Humor!

"I missed having a little cas in my life." He smirked, letting his eyes show a little life. It was a sight to see and no words could do it justice. "What's cas?" I frowned, confused. "It's who you are. Crazy, Awkward, and Sweet." After her mother takes a job out of the country, Matey Greer is sent to live with her estranged father and his new family. The wooded sleepy town of Palo Ville is a stark contrast to her fast life in Miami. But with a larger than life character like Matey - things will undoubtedly shake up. Follow Matey as she embarks on the cusp of something a little Crazy - 'Like kissing the scariest girl in school', a little Awkward - 'Like accidentally impersonating a doctor', and a little Sweet - 'Like falling for a guy who is seems wary of love.' ||BEST RANKING: #1 IN HUMOR|| ||BEST RANKING: #34 IN TEEN FICTION||