They're worlds apart, and this isn't high school, so how the hell did a homeless female writer end up renting a billionaire's mansion? And - hold your breath - becoming his fake girlfriend? ➳ full blurb inside ➳ first reached #1 in humor on july 6, 2015 ➳ first reached #1 in business on august 29, 2023 ➳ winner of best humor book in the fiction awards 2016 ➳ featured by cadbury (marvellous creations) and secret lives of the americans (pivot) P.S. This is a SATIRICAL BILDUNGSROMAN. Proceed with caution. (cover by @glueeater)

[This is a spin-off of The DILF but can be read as a stand-alone] [The story you are about to read is intended for readers age 18+ due to its sexual content and language. It may not be appropriate for all audiences. Please read at your own discretion.] There was nothing Ophelia wanted better than to gouge Nikolai's long-lashed, consuming blue eyes out with a butter knife and mail them to the rest of the Alvonich family. Too bad they were in a very public, very esteemed place - Mikhail's wedding. "You don't think I'll press the button?" Nikolai's breath was warm and teasing in her ear. Ophelia had no idea what possessed her to take up his challenge of a vibrating thong, except that it was too late to back out now. She turned to glance at the infuriating man beside her. "Honestly, I don't care. It won't affect me." "Sweet Ophelia," he whispered, surprising her by flicking his tongue into her ear. Jumping, she glared at him, ignoring the important guests at her table, her father included. Before she could curse at Nikolai, he pressed the button, the swearwords turning to soft moans under her breath. Gripping the edge of the table, Ophelia felt the attack on her cl!t like a burn to her skin. Her father shot her a concerned look from across the table and Nikolai's voice was again in her ear. "Before the end of the night, Ophelia, we will f**k," he promised, releasing his finger from the remote control. "Only this time, it will be my name you scream."

[Edited Version] "We only read erotica," Fiona said with a straight face. "Come again?" I asked, clutching my copy of Jane Eyre to my chest. I suddenly felt like a girl who'd come to a fancy-dress party dressed as herself. "Oh, come on, Janelle," Fiona smiled, pulling my hand and leading me into the room. The light in the library was dimmed to a dull glow, and then I heard a man's voice reading: "I entered her from behind, squeezing the taut skin of her buttocks and driving myself even deeper, until..." Somewhere in the dark, I heard moans of pleasure and the unmistakable yowl of a climax... [Cover by @headfullofstars]

[Edited Version ● Alternate Ending] "I will savour every part of your body; every nook and every cranny. I will make you feel like my last meal. And I will do it with your husband in the next room." Sofia's breathing became ragged. She held the stupid cookbook to her chest like a lifesaver, but she couldn't stop her heart bashing against it. And Vaughn? His hand had somehow slipped up the hem of her dress... (Cover by @ilovepizaaaa)

A past tragedy has left Lily Holmes burdened with a devastating secret... Since the death of her twin sister, Lily can't bear to be touched. Not accidentally, not casually...and certainly not intimately. This makes it impossible for her to confess to her best friend Adam Roberts that she's in love with him. She can't give him the sort of relationship he needs, so she watches in silence while he plans his wedding with someone else. Enter Nikoli Kinkaid, the campus manwhore... Nikoli is a self-proclaimed connoisseur of women, and he wants to add Lily to his list of conquests, but she wants nothing to do with him-until he makes her an offer she can't refuse. He'll teach her to enjoy human contact again, giving her a chance to win over Adam, while Nikoli uses all his considerable charm to seduce her. But Lily raises the stakes... Lily loves cars. Her late father was a racer, and she grew up under the hood of a car and on the racetrack. Nikoli has a limited edition car she covets, so she informs him the terms of their deal also require he not sleep with anyone for six months. If he does, she'll win the car. If she surrenders and ends up in his bed, his beloved 'Cuda is his to keep. In an intricate dance of control and surrender, a reluctant friendship becomes something more. Lily begins to crave things she never believed she could, and Nikoli realizes there is more at stake than his reputation. If Lily overcomes her phobia, will she crave Adam's touch as she's starting to crave Nikoli's? Or will she only find pleasure from the touch of a semi-reformed manwhore?

This is a story about a girl called Rosa and a boy called Jai. Rosa is just looking for a good time like any 18 year old would. When she sets her sights on whom she wants next. She always gets them. This time? It's Jai Robins. Her 23 year old biology teacher.

[Edited Version] “You ever think about letting your hair loose?” Ashton asked, his breath kissing Amor’s neck as they waltzed. “My hair’s fine,” Amor snapped in annoyance. Ashton chuckled. “That’s not what I meant.” His hands slowly hiked up the hem of her dress and her breath caught. “What are you doing?” She uneasily glanced around at the dancing couples. “Giving a new meaning to dirty dancing,” he replied quietly. And he entered her. [Cover by @zarawhite]

Maya, an innocent nurse, finds herself forced to accept protection from the Phantoms motorcycle gang, specifically the dangerous, irresistible biker, Jake Ford. ***** Maya has a normal life and a normal boyfriend, Sebastian. But one day she drops off a letter to a prison for a patient under her care, and finds herself being watched over by a dangerous, handsome biker. It turns out Maya is under the protection of Jake Ford, and despite her feelings for Sebastian, she can't resist the pull of Jake's strong arms, dark looks and chequered past. Soon criminals are coming after her, and Jake is the only one who can keep her safe. Will Maya hide behind her good-girl reputation, or let go and lose herself in the passionate world of Jake Ford? Content and/or trigger warning: This story contains scenes of violence and sexual activity, which may be triggering for some readers. [[word count: 150,000-200,000 words]] Cover designer: Ren T. Photographer: Michelle Lancaster Model: Jaxon Human

[Edited] "You had to be extremely low on cash to wank into a cup for it," Dani sneered, feeling like a vindictive bully in a playground. But Carlo deserved it. She felt the first sharp stab of fear that went through her heart when Carlo looked at her with thunder in his eyes. "What are you going to do now? Kill me?" she continued. Fingering the 9mm in her back pocket, she remembered that she'd never even shot the damn thing, despite her brothers' pleas to teach her. Carlo's shadow blanketed her. "Kill you?" His brow furrowed. "Do you really think that lowly of me, cara? I'm wounded." "Then what the hell do you want?" His face flashed with a look she barely recognised - pure arousal. Even when he reached out and pulled her to him, she could feel it. "I realised that the mother of my child is more of a spitfire than I thought." His lips brushed her earlobe. "Call me a pyromaniac." *cover by @bullethood*

THE RED HOUSE; [The red house] // Where men with money, fuck women of beauty, and laugh at the rest of world. ~~~~~~~~~~ Meet Matthew Walker. A man whose entire world had just fallen upon him. The women who he thought of as his 'the one' has left him all because he made a few mistakes. He turned his back on his career and isolated himself. ~~~~~~~~~~ "What is this, a Whore House?" "Not just a whore house, Matt! It's heaven on earth! It's got it all: strippers, whores, hookers, heck, and even some porn stars live there. It's like a hotel. They let you stay there, pick a girl and get it on as long as you want." ~~~~~~~~~~ There Matthew meets a women who turns his world upside down, Feather Grace Heart. Funnily enough her sweet name doesn't suit her at all. She's wicked, mischievous, naughty and down right trouble. But she's exactly what Matthew never knew he needed. But there's one problem. She's a prostitute. And one with a decision to make. And he doesn't know how to feel about that once he starts falling for her. Feather has her own secrets that has Matthew on his toes all the time. Is it lust or love? ~~~~~~~~~~ He leans closer, and our faces are inches apart. “I don’t want to complicate your decision,” he whispers. “You already have.” He kisses me so softly, it’s like a breeze on my mouth. Then I close my eyes and reach for him, letting him ease me back to the ground. His hands close over my face, holding me as we kiss, my heart beating so hard I can feel all my pulse points throbbing. This is so different, so different from anything I’ve ever imagined. I just want to lie here forever, holding him, trusting him. I smell fresh-cut grass, and the scent of something soft and musky that will always remind me of Matthew. Closing my eyes, I wrap my arms around his neck and sink into our kiss, dizzy with the pure bliss of it. ~~~~~~~~~~ [ story has sexual content, erotic scenes ]