"Will be there in 20?" The message from Dean reads. My brain says I should text back saying 'I will rip your balls off if you come over' or 'I am not a sex toy, you could come over and use me as and when you please' or at least a simple 'No'. But I don't. I squat next to my bed and pull out the white powder to numb the pain. I told myself that I am done with Dean and I am going to get my life back together. I cleaned up, battled withdrawals and even improved my grades. One text from him and I am snorting coke.
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let Dean treat me like trash? Why do I set myself up knowing that it's only a matter of time before he will run back to Sherley leaving me in limbo? Why? l have asked myself the same question a million times but I couldn't come up with an answer that I can use to justify myself. When it came to Dean, I was a masochist. I let him use me and discard me without any fight.
Dean was my first Friend. Kiss. Sex. Love. Everything. I wanted to be his everything too. I was his first Friend. Kiss and Sex but Love.. that was Sherley. His family chauffeur's daughter. I want to be a better human and say I didn't hate her. But I am not. I am just human and I hate her with the ferocious of a thousand sun. I hate that she plays him like a fiddle and he dances to it. I hate that they fight for silly reasons and Dean comes running to me. I hate that I let him in even when I know she will reel him back in no time. I hate that he is my weakness and Sherley is his.
I wished that my best friend would turn to be my lover. But he just ripped my heart out. It time to let go and move on.
Hi, this is just my poetry book. If you're interested check out my Instagram @/foreverapoet.
The Words
the words i write
the tears i shed
the things i cite
the blood i've bled
what brings me delight
what brings me dread
all the words i got right
all the words i never said
~M
ranked #1 in poetry - july 3rd 2018
somewhat mix of poetry about self love, depression, real beauty, happiness, true love, past mistakes and much more.
no it does not rhyme and you might cry. enjoy ♡