Ashton is okay right now. He's always like this after a bad bout. He starts off saying that the world is his oyster and he loves everyone, but when the energy and fresh success fades, so does he. Luke knows. He knows about all of Ashton's problems. He knows about the time Ashton was bullied nearly to the brink, the family deaths and friend losses, and the ups and downs, the latter of which seem to be more common lately. It's been so easy lately for Ashton to slip after a joke gone wrong, or a jab on Twitter. Ashton always says he's sorry, repeating it again and again if only to convince himself. Luke knows he's sorry, knows that he can't help it. And he'll sit by the bathtub for hours, holding Ashton, to make sure that he knows someone loves him. None of the other boys know. Ashton couldn't bring himself to tell them and face their disapproving stares too, and he wouldn't let Luke tell them, so he's stuck in this half state of secrecy and confession to Luke. Ashton hasn't gone too far yet, not far enough that Luke can't patch him up with gauze, antibiotics, and a long hug. But someday, someday, Luke knows Ashton won't be able to take it anymore, and Ashton will die. And Luke will be all alone.

"Fat fat fat," Luke clawed at his body. "All I am, is fat." - Luke Hemmings is ugly. Luke Hemmings is fat. Luke Hemmings likes to puke. Luke Hemmings despised eating. Luke Hemmings is every negative comment made about him. Luke Hemmings is gay. Luke Hemmings is pretending. Luke Hemmings is damaged goods. Ashton Irwin is hot. Ashton Irwin is skinny. Ashton Irwin loves to eat. Ashton Irwin is smart. Ashton Irwin is amazing. Ashton Irwin is everything Luke needs. Ashton Irwin is gay. Ashton Irwin is pretending. Ashton Irwin is noticing. Ashton Irwin is falling in love.

Es war anders, als ich es mir je vorgestellt habe. Es fühlt sich anders an, als in meinen Vorstellungen - so viel realer. Dieser Gedanke macht mir Angst, aber jetzt bin ich hier. Hätte ich bloß auf sie gehört..

Ist es Liebe? Oder eher doch nicht? © Copyright reserved. 19justme 2013

my life used to be a dull shade of grey until i got hit by a car, died (or at least everyone thought I did) and given another 365 days to change my life, make some friends and fall in love.

"Who are you?" All Rights Reserved.© WriteDrunk 2014. Completed.

book ONE This isn't a diary. It's a journal. Only girls do "Diarys". I'm a boy so technically its a journal. Does the name "Journal" go with a book that has a pink cover with purple fuzz lining it? I mean, I could easily cross out the curly words that light up when you press a button that read 'Diary'. All I have to say is thanks Calum for picking me out such a fantastic journal.

Coming from 8 different schools can be tiring, exhausting actually. You tend to lose yourself along the way as well. While a young Calum Hood, tries to find his true self, survive high school, and dealing with not so minor family issues, will it lead to dramatic revelations about himself? Or maybe he always knew who he was all along, it just took the right kid to come into his life and turn it upside down. Maybe a boy perhaps? But when two different personalities and reputations collide will love really conquer all? Or will egos collide and ruin it? Or is it even " love " that is shared between the two? Calum never expected his life to take suck a drastic turn in such a short amount of time, but it has, and only time will tell what lies ahead. Luke Hemmings is more then what he makes himself out to be and boy does he have quite a role to play in Calum's life and everything is only getting started.