Kindness glows. • A retelling of my story "The Lucky One" from Dan's POV.

Dan Howell is not a happy person. He relies on any type of high to get him through each day and he's never been in love with any girl he's dated. His parents want him to marry his girlfriend of two years, but he can't bring himself to marry someone he doesn't love, and who doesn't love him. He meets a man named Phil. Phil is so great, and has a lot in common with Dan. You'd think they'd be the perfect couple after they hit it off after only a day of knowing each other and become fast friends. Too bad they're both straight. Too bad his job causes him to lie to Phil perpetually. Too bad his feelings cause him to lie to Phil constantly. Can you look anyone in the eye and tell them you love them when you're lying about who you are? How long can you live on lies before everything falls apart? //Gay slang : Extensive Drug and Alcohol usage : mentions of depression and suicide : extensive strong language : Explicit sexual content

"because as you know all too well, my dear phil, i sometimes want you to just drop dead." "ah, but you see, the feeling is mutual, howell." |serialkiller!phil x depressed!dan| |lowercase intended|

When Dan's lungs are filled with smoke, Phil is a breath of fresh air. warnings: drug use disclaimer: i do not condone/encourage drug use.

Dan has given up on ever being happy. Life has lost its meaning, and everything he seems to do causes some form of destruction, and Dan is so tired of destroying the things he used to love. He's lost so much, and he's scared of losing Phil, the only thing he can bring himself to care about. But Dan can't see past his own depression that Phil is struggling with bulimia, and that he's equally good at hiding his dark thoughts as Dan. And as Dan walks through the streets alone at night getting high to escape from the hell he's trapped himself in, will he be able to see that maybe the happiness he craves so desperately is not on the streets in the form of white pills, but inside his own apartment in the form of Phil Lester? Or will it be too late... WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE, SEXUAL SITUATIONS, USE OF DRUGS, VIOLENCE, HIGH LEVELS OF ANGST, BULIMIA, AND THEMES OF SUICIDE. IT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNGER READERS.

{{ part two of psychedelia }} It's been two years since Dan moved out of the apartment to go to a rehabilitation centre, and in that space of time he's heard nothing from Phil. Not even a "hello." Dan's scared that Phil's moved on and forgotten about him, and since they both stopped vlogging Dan doesn't know what's happening in Phil's life. Is he still living in London? Has he moved back to Manchester? Is he even alive? So now that Dan is finally off his medication and he's completely clean, he should be happy again, right? Sometimes, the most painful thing is when the person who you share all of your best memories with becomes a slowly fading memory, and you can't do anything except watch and scream as the past disappears, almost like it never existed in the first place. And it fucking hurts. WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE, SEXUAL SITUATIONS, MENTIONS OF DRUGS, VIOLENCE, HIGH LEVELS OF ANGST, BULIMIA, AND THEMES OF SUICIDE. IT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNGER READERS.

"Are you insane or are you just that broken?" he whispered, his face inches from mine. "I'm a little bit of both," I admitted, looking into his eyes. "A trip into my mind would be a trip into a nightmare."

"you've been drinking like the world was gonna end." "for me, it did." - where a fighter with anger issues meets an strangely-alluring artist [lowercase intended]

Phil Lester is sweet and cute; known for his kindness and enthusiasm. Dan Howell is a tough, cold outsider; known as the school's stereotypical 'bad boy'. But if he's so bad, then why on earth did he rescue Phil Lester and give him a smile which would melt anyone's heart?

"you miss it; the bone-chilling thrill from the narrow escapism of outsmarting cops and the head-spinning adrenaline rush of hiding out in hotel room after hotel room. the blood-rushing high of pulling the trigger on your victim, just to go and do it all over again the next day. but you don't just miss it, you desire it. you need it." |lowercase intended| |sequel to drop dead|