Growing up in white-bread Omaha, Nebraska, Rachel Shukert was one of thirty-seven students (circa 1990) in Nebraska’s only Jewish elementary school. She spent her days dreaming of a fantasy Aryan boyfriend named Chris McPresbyterian, a tall blond god whose family spoke softly in public and did not inquire after his bowel movements. She spent her nights frantically plastering her bedroom with pictures of intimidating co-religionists such as Henry Kissinger and Bette Midler, hoping to repel the Gestapo officers she was certain were lurking behind the drywall. Even back then, Rachel knew she was destined for greatness. After winning the Omaha Metropolitan Area Theater Arts Guild Award for Best Youth Actress–and imagining herself as the biggest talent to come out of Nebraska since Montgomery Clift–Rachel finally arrives in Manhattan. Intent on making her mark in the glittering world of Show Biz, she isthwarted at every turn by episodes of anorexia, verbally abusive sock puppets, and a certain terrorist attack you may have heard of. She nevertheless soldiers on, as her people have done from time immemorial. In this hilarious, mordant, and moving memoir, Rachel Shukert tackles topics as diverse and weighty as life, death, love, Jewish paranoia, and errant feminine hygiene products with a fresh and irresistible mixture of humor, brains, and candor, proving that having no shame can sometimes be a very good thing indeed.

Peter's life is perfect - he's rich, young, talented, and maybe even handsome. And then suddenly his joy-ride in "one of those new-fangled horseless carriages" goes all wrong, proving fatal, but mercifully crippling him. Now he's disgusted with himself and dreadfully lonely, living on the third floor of his gilt townhouse with some dusty books and too much money. And then there was Emma...

"Truth or Dare" My eyes scan the all too familiar phrase. Here it goes again. "Dare." I send smiling widely. "Go up to someone and scream at them "Boob" and shove their lunch in their face." .........Was he really serious. From his texts, yes he totally was. I take a deep breath and bit my lower lip in concentration. I lift my head scanning the room for my victim. COVER MADE BY WATTPAD USER: FEATHERING! SPECIAL THANKS TO THAT COOL PERSON Copywright © 2014 Mybooksareyours All Rights Reserved Any unathorised broadcasting, public performance, copying, or re-recording will constitute an infringement of copywright.

"As I sat on the toilet, I realized how badass I was being. First of all, I (kind of) broke into Walmart; Second, I was (kind of) plotting to steal toilet paper; and third, I was doing all this while a hurricane was brewing outside." Ellie wanted a quick trip to Walmart to buy some toilet paper for her mom. A minute in, a minute out. Instead, she got locked in. With her secret love, of course.

Sam is the most promising swordsman among this year’s crop of Paladin trainees...and knows it. Brash, cocky, and unbeatable with a sword (well, almost), Sam is the kingdom of Thule’s best hope against the violence wrought by demons. The only problem is that Sam is really Lady Samantha, daughter of the seventeenth Duke of Haywood, and if her father has his way, she’ll be marrying a Paladin, not becoming one. But Sam has never held much interest in playing damsel-in-distress, and so she rescues herself from a lifetime of boredom and matrimonial drudgery. Pity that Tristan Lyons, the Paladin assigned to train her, is none other than the hero of her childhood. He hasn’t recognized her as Lady Samantha--yet-- but if he does, he’ll take away her sword and send her packing. Sam is not the only trainee hiding secrets: Braeden is a half-demon with a dark past that might be unforgivable. Sam, Braeden and Tristan set out for the western coast, charged with rooting out an infestation of demons that has made the West unlivable. As they travel, they uncover a deep-seated corruption of power that threatens to derail everything they stand for. Rebellion stirs, led by a rival faction of warriors who tempt Sam to join them with an irresistible offer. A war between men is coming, and Sam must pick a side. Will saving the kingdom cost her life -- or just her heart? Reminiscent of Mulan, but with a medieval fantasy twist, Paladin is a tale of adventure, action, and romance.

"Why do I remember every detail of the day I was born? It's not just because of the dream; it's because today, October 10, 1997, will be the seventh time." Eleanor Blackwell is turning seventeen and although excited about her birthday, she already knows what it will bring. At seventeen Ellie will meet the boy of her dreams, get swept off her feet, and fall in love. But Ellie won't get her happily ever after, because right before her eighteenth birthday she's going to be murdered. How does Ellie know this? Because this isn't the first time she's lived this story...it's the seventh. Every time Ellie is reborn she finds herself surrounded by the same souls of both her friends and enemies, the same love and, ultimately, the same death. Will Ellie be able to discover the secrets those closet to her are hiding? Will she finally be able to change things enough to alter her destiny this time around? Or, is she cursed to repeat the same mistakes she's made seven other times before and return once again? THE SERIES READS AS FOLLOWS: THE RETURN THE RESURRECTION THE REVIVAL THE RESTORATION