Sick of cliché Wattpad books? Then this isn't the book for you. We take every single over-used plot, character and trope on Wattpad - from player-meets-nerd to my-boyfriend-is-a-vampire - and mash it all into one, awful, hilarious parody. NOTE: This is a parody. Characters have not been created to mock a race/nationality/sexuality, they have been created to lightly poke fun at the way certain teen fiction writers reduce them into crude stereotypes. Thanks for helping this pile of junk get to #1 in Humor!

"Don't touch me, darling. Not unless you suddenly want to find yourself with my cock in your mouth." • • • Sins come in all shapes and sizes, but she never expected it to come in the shape of him. He was what you called a Sinner; His touch made you sin in every biblical way possible. One touch was all it took; one catastrophic sin. Cara had always lived the virtuous life as a faithful Catholic. She never expected her life to be abruptly turned upside down when she yelled at a rude man with sinfully wandering hands. But when you've lived your whole life as a saint and start to mess with a Sinner, you're bound to do something bad; You are bound to (do) Sin.

"Come to sit on my lap again?" • • • It's that time of the year again, and people are all waiting for Santa to come by with their presents. Hazel is living a humdrum life in her small hometown, doing nothing in particular when a certain Santa Claus asks her if she wants to sit on his lap. Brown eyes, chocolate hair and abs carved like stone, Nick is nothing like the traditional Santa you know, yet he still straps on the beard and red suit. In town for just the season, Hazel slowly discovers there's more to Nick Saint than what meets the eye. Peeling back one layer at a time (like a Christmas present) she uncovers what truly lies beneath that red suit of his and finds herself in shock at the result. As the saying goes... Santa smirks because he knows where all the naughty girls live... And he was smirking at Hazel.

"You want me to be a genius or do you want me to fuck you?" • • • The Alexandrettia is the finest school in the state, known for producing the smartest, and most talented kids in America. 21 year old keen painter Mia Hanson managed to get a spot. She worked her whole life to get inside, to see the hallowed halls her biggest idols once walked through. But those very same halls gets vandalized one wild night, and the person responsible gets sentenced to do community service, working as a janitor to clean up his mess. With his brooding eyes, filthy mouth and body covered up in ink, Eli the type of guy you run away from; The type who only lives for the trouble; The type you just know packs a brain the size of a peanut. But when one of Fermat's biggest unsolved mathematical problems gets solved by an unknown source, rumors start as to who and where this genius might be... Well: Three guesses who?

"Guns and sex... that's what you are." • • • Rya Wilkins is a top trained agent, working under the orders of the president of USA. Her job involves brutal interrogations, dangerous undercover CIA work, and killing people who pose a threat to their nation. - And a threat like that just so happens to come in the form of a lethal and dangerously handsome Italian agent, who managed to break into the CIA and steal confidential information. It is now Rya's job to retrieve that information and stop the goddamn mischievous, sexy, son of a-I'm-going-to-make-your-body-explode-in-more-ways-than-one agent and bring him into custody. But there's a thin line between hatred and love - and that line turns out to be Rya's thong.

Never do what you're told, never boil your own head in vinegar and, most important of all, never ever marry a man-those have always been Lilly Linton's principles for a happy, carefree life. So, how the heck did she end up engaged to multinational industrial magnate Rikkard Ambrose? Right now she's too happy to care. But what happens when she discovers the dark secrets of her fiance's past? Can she still love him if she finds out the truth? The sixth volume of the award-winning "Storm and Silence" series.

Family - the most important thing in the world, right? If it's your own, maybe. But if it's the family of the incredibly powerful, incredibly alluring businessman with whom you've been conducting a secret office affair, and they don't yet know about the affair, things are a little bit different. Life is about to get real for Lilly Linton. All those stolen moments behind closed doors, those secret kisses and whispered words are about to catch up with her. As she and her boss, business-magnate Rikkard Ambrose, travel north to his parents' palatial estate, she is about to discover whether she has the strength to step out of the shadows and change her fate forever. Volume four of the award-winning "Storm and Silence" series.

British business mogul Rikkard Ambrose has departed London to face his arch-rival in a deadly game of espionage and intrigue at the Royal Court of France, leaving his lady love behind to knit socks and twiddle her thumbs. Left behind alone? That is not something Lilly Linton is willing to put up with! Determined to show her boss who's boss, she embarks on her most dangerous adventure yet, armed with the most powerful weapon of all: love-and, just in case, her trusted revolver. The 5th volume of Robert Thier's award-winning Storm and Silence series.

Silent. Cold. Chiselled perfection. That is Rikkard Ambrose, the most powerful business mogul in Great Britain. Free-spirited. Fiery. Definitely NOT attracted to the aforementioned business mogul. That is Lilly Linton, his personal secretary and secret weapon. The two have been playing a cat and mouse game for months. So far, Lilly has been able to fight down and deny her attraction to Mr Ambrose. But what happens when suddenly, the dark secrets of his past begin to surface and they are forced to go on a perilous journey into the South-American jungle? A journey they can only survive if they band together? Book 3 in the Watty-Award-winning "Storm and Silence" series.

In the desert, an instant turns life into death and hate into love. In the desert, everything is different. Boundaries break down, and you find yourself doing things that you would never, ever have imagined. Lilly Linton finds this out the hard way: in the shadow of the pyramids, she and her boss, cold, calculating Mr Ambrose, must face death and danger together. Is the desert's heat enough to melt the cold heart of Britain's richest financier? WINNER of the PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARD in the Wattys 2016 Sequel to Robert Thier's #1 Hit 'Storm and Silence'