They're worlds apart, and this isn't high school, so how the hell did a homeless female writer end up renting a billionaire's mansion? And - hold your breath - becoming his fake girlfriend? ➳ full blurb inside ➳ first reached #1 in humor on july 6, 2015 ➳ first reached #1 in business on august 29, 2023 ➳ winner of best humor book in the fiction awards 2016 ➳ featured by cadbury (marvellous creations) and secret lives of the americans (pivot) P.S. This is a SATIRICAL BILDUNGSROMAN. Proceed with caution. (cover by @glueeater)

"Had a nice swim?" He asks, a smirk on his face. I could literally slap him right now. "Bitch, you pushed me," I say breathlessly, my body shaking from the cold water. He just looks amused, as he takes a step closer to me. "Language," he says, his voice almost a whisper, "there's children here." ••• Opal Rodriguez, the girl who's just trying to get through high school like the rest of us. Until Nathan Adams moved to the house right in front of hers, basically becoming a part of her life. With him, he brought his smirk, his cocky attitude, his hoe magnet, and a cute little sister. She wanted a relaxing day at the pool. He kind of ruined it. What was just a dare, grew into a strange friendship between these two. Maybe even more than that. AUTHOR'S NOTE: this was all written by a middle schooler lol. Accessibility: text-to-speech feature! 🎧 Highest Rank: #2 in Teen Fiction; November 2018 #2 in Humor #2 in Friendship #40 in Love 2015

HIGHEST RANK #27 IN HUMOR *** Life is full of lessons that we need to remember, for Mackenzie (also known as Mace or that girl that always falls over) life seems like a boring routine. Her love life is as lifeless as a corpse With her best friend happily in love with his sweet girlfriend, her nonexistent bad boy is more like an obnoxious jerk rather than a rebel and the golden boy has friend zoned her to many times (82 and counting) Throw in stupid revenge plots, a love triangle that makes no sense, beneficial food fights and midnight Kmart rampages, you are left which a couple theory's to question if you really know what life is about. But first, you have to make a mistake ..it all started with a cupcake @@ Did you really take 16 cupcakes from the shop yesterday? " "Maybe.. "I look to see them staring at me in disbelief "Do you really need 16 cupcakes?" Their eyes flicker between the box of cupcakes and me who has half of one stuffed in my mouth. Hastily I swallow "Okay, to be fair she was going to throw all 24 beautiful delicious cupcakes in the bin. It's a waste and a criminal offence to chuck out something so tasty. So I just happened to volunteer to take them home... without anyone knowing..." I lick some of the buttercreams that had fallen onto my hand. "I believe that's called stealing," a voice says from behind me. WARNING lots of cheesy jokes, embarrassing moments and food

"Um, excuse me," I say, as I approach the person with his back facing me. "I kinda saw the shirt first." He turns to me and I immediately stop, as my eyes widen. Because I know who he is. He's the guy I've been trying to ignore for almost 3 years now. Damn it. ••• Ivy. Alex. Stupid teenagers, their history, and their feelings create complicated circumstances and they make effort to fix what went wrong in the first place. One day, they both happen to be at Target, both of them eyeing the same shirt. Their first encounter after three years of silence seems to make them realize that they miss talking to each other. They also realize that they still even have the same taste in shirts. A/N: majority of chapters are written by a very immature me. Highest Rank: #78 in Teen Fiction 12/12/17 2016

"Hey Blondie! What the hell are you doing?" I hear a voice behind me. I spare a glance to the person, and then balance myself on the ladder. "Can't you see, I am covering this class in toilet paper? I soo don't want to take the chemistry test." I continue my work. I am sure if Mr Thomas caught me, I would be Dead. "Are you Crazy?" "You will thank me later." ----------------------- Tempestuous: characterized by strong and turbulent or conflicting emotion. Vivian Jackson is pretty much a normal girl, if you ignore the trouble she makes. From blasting color bombs in the corridor to spray painting donuts on the principals door, you name it, she has done it. Sebastian Willson has spent one third of his life in detention, the other third of it in bunking classes and the last in the basket ball court. So when he sees Vivian wrecking his chemistry classroom, he is surprised. Because for the first time has he seen a girl being so bold and blunt. When these two meet sparks fly along with some knifes, toilet paper, water guns and cupcakes. Will these two be too opposite to attract, or a match made in hell? Come and join to see what happens in when a strong willed guy and a Tempestuous girl come together. Cover by the beautiful just_yasmin WARNING: CONTAINS EATING DISORDERS, ABUSE, AND HARASSMENT. IF YOU FEEL TRIGGERED BY ANY OF THESE, PLEASE READ ON UR OWN RISK #31 in Humor #43 in Teen Fiction

Highest rank #1 in humor [30 chapters] The hermit Ryder Quin never thought that one day, her crush of three years now, the very handsome Aiden Caley, would suddenly want to be her friend. What's more, a stranger broke into her backyard one night, his face hidden underneath a hood, and ever since then he would show up at night and leave before midnight. The quiet and uninteresting life of hers, unexpectedly was thrown into chaos. Having an introverted personality, Ryder struggles to keep up with the very energetic Aiden. However, because of the lack of her social skills, all of Aiden's flirty remarks and hints miss the mark, leading to Ryder accidentally friendzoning her crush, all while trying to figure out who the stranger that meets her every night is. With the mystery of the stranger's identity and the awkward moments spent with Aiden pickling her mind and heart, Ryder realizes that she has been dragged into a whirl of feelings she has never experienced before.

"Hey there beautiful, wanna go out sometime?" He asked with a slight smirk. "With you?" I asked in a sweet voice. "Sure thing baby girl" He replied. I faced him, slightly moving closer. "You know what I really want?" I asked in a seductive tone. "Mhm?" he asked, his eyes filled with lust. I slowly leaned forward, placing my hands on his chest and leaned towards his mouth. My mouth was inches away from his and he closed his eyes as I smirked with satisfaction. It was working. Surprising everyone, I lifted my leg and kicked him were the sun don't shine. Gasps were heard throughout the hall and Chase instantly fell to the ground, holding his precious jewels. "What the fuck?!" He groaned. In a deadly sweet voice I got down to eye level. "Well now you know how it feels when you break a girls heart". I stood up and walked away. Everyone looked at me with awe stricken faces and I twirled my body around putting my hand on my hip. "By the way the names Avery Blue" I spoke loudly. Flashes of recognition crossed people's faces but Chase was the most shocked of them all. I stared at Chase straight in the eyes. "Karma's a bitch" before turning around and continuing my way to physics class. xx Avery Blue has had enough of being tormented by her classmates and leaves school to return with one agenda. To show everyone who's boss and not to mess with her. She leaves school for a term and comes back hotter than ever and also one major badass. You could say Karma's a bitch. The only thing missing on her agenda was to somehow get tangled up in a gang. No sarcastic remark will get her out of this one. xx Highest ranking: #2 in teen fiction 6/11/2016 #1 in humor 18/1/2018, thanks guys so much xx This book is completed and has now been completely edited (22/05/2020) Cover by: @beautifullyyoung Official trailer by @mizdancer

Prom at Livingstone High was a big deal. Everyone went. It was practically law to. A week before prom, the entire school was assembled in the gym. Boys on one side, girls on the other. It started from the top of the social ladder. Mr. Popular would pick a girl to be his date and so on until the very lowest of boys had selected his. That same day, ten random girls were selected in secret. Everything about them was a secret. No one knew exactly what they did unless they were one themselves. Rumor was that they were each given a list of tasks to complete before the end of prom. The only thing that everyone knew for sure was that one of them was selected as the wild card. Senior year. I was the wild card.

My friend started to go out with the schools bed boy. I warned him that if he does anything to hurt her he will pay for it.

"So tell me, what's worse? Being predetermined to become a monster or choosing to become a monster?" His onyx eyes pierced mine, wicked wisdom showing in the pools of darkness. I closed my eyes, not being able to bear the blaringly, obvious truth. I turned my head to the side, wishing for nothing more than for him to let go of me, to step back and let me breathe, let me wallow in my denial. But, he wasn't the type to show mercy. Heat radiated off of his body, as I sensed him lean closer to whisper mockingly in my ear. "That's what I thought." ********************************************************************************* Arie Finnigan, since she was a little girl, has had the unique ability to read people. Her ability is so extremely accurate that people actually believe she can read minds. At the age of eighteen, just starting college, she is enlisted by the FBI to help solve crimes. Arie's reputation skyrockets as word spreads of her ability to solve horrific and impossible crimes. However, this all changes when a group of mental patients break out of an asylum and go on a rampage, killing 55 people in cold blood. A widespread paranoia infects the United States, as government officials try to maintain peace. In order to calm the fear inflicting its citizens, the government, in accordance with the FBI, decides to send away anyone who has a mental illness to the nearest mental hospital. But, it's not just the mentally ill being sent away across the country. Anyone, who has the ability to think like or understand these clinically insane people, is taken as well. Including, Arie. Arie is soon thrust into a world where light and darkness mix and right and wrong have no meaning. Her internal struggle over the question of her sanity is only heightened when her roommate decides to make it his mission to prove her to be just as crazy as everyone else there. So what happens when you discover the darkness within? Highest ranking: #194 ©cynical-romantic