I'm pretty extraordinary (read: absolutely normal) for an average guy named Patrick- Patrick Kraker, and before you ask, no, I do not want a cracker; neither does Polly. Polly's sick of crackers. a) My summer job may or may not involve spray painting myself completely silver and standing motionless in the park. Of course not. b) I also may or may not be investigating and communicating with a homeless guy who is (possibly): one, not actually homeless and two, part of a cult of (probably) bloodthirsty satanic worshippers. *** Copyright © 2015 by unfurled All rights reserved #34 Humour Featured as of 28/04/16

Picture this: You enter the mall with your friends. As you're making your way to buy a strawberry smoothie, you notice something more delicious walking right towards you. As he comes closer, he gives you a heart stopping smirk then takes you by surprise. He pulls you into a headlock, jabs a gun in your temple, then runs away with you. As I uncover why this mysterious model kidnapped me, I find myself tackling, punching, hugging, and watching Disney movies with him. Call me reckless, but something about this troubled kidnapper is quite intriguing yet heartbreaking. Find out if I, Skylar Scrowbar, end up dead in a ditch somewhere, or end up helplessly falling in love with my sexy kidnapper.

"Can the earth crack open in half and swallow me because my cramps are killing me." "Do you usually call strangers to discuss your menstrual cycle? Miss,at most,we can provide you ice-cream." "Did you kidnap Ellie? Never mind, do you also offer services like bringing over Advil?" In which two strangers communicate via phone . cover credit - @ecstasybones

He was a billionaire, I was a bellboy, can I make it anymore obvious? It all started one fateful afternoon in summer of 2012. I was working as a bellboy at the Trump Hotel in Hong Kong on an internship program. This was my first time in a big city. It was all I could have ever dreamed of, and more. But little did I know, it was all about to change. Follow me on twitter.com/aguywithnolife Please note, this story may contain mature humor that isn't suitable for all ages.